Fade Chapter 17

Uploaded on 1/22/2012

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Boyd paused in front of Sin's door, feeling a flutter of excitement in his stomach. It was the first time Sin had invited him to his apartment on his own, without extenuating circumstances like a near-hurricane overwhelming the town. His hand lifted and he knocked.

When a woman opened the door he nearly raised his eyebrows in surprise. He kept his expression casual even as his gaze flicked to the apartment door number, behind her, and back, to make sure he was in the right place.

He was.

Disappointment moved through him.

He reminded himself that Sin had mentioned Boyd could meet new people by hanging out. When Sin had called earlier he'd only invited him over and hadn't specified they'd be alone, even though Boyd had been hoping they would be.

"Hi." He realized after a second that he recognized her. "Roz, was it?"

Roz's full lips turned up in a smile. It was the tall woman from the cafe, except this time she was wearing faded jeans and an old sweatshirt that hung off one of her toned shoulders.

"I half expected you not to come," she said, grabbing his arm and tugging him inside. "I thought he was making this up."

Boyd let himself be pulled into the apartment. Absently pushing the door shut behind him, he glanced at her with his eyebrows drawn together. "Why wouldn't I have come?"

"I didn't believe that some randomly attractive city slicker wanted to veg out and watch Grayson with us," she said with a laugh in her low pitched voice. She moved deeper into the apartment. Her bare feet slapped across the floor, her hips moving slightly as she walked.

"Ah," Boyd said in understanding. He glanced around and saw that at least there weren't even more people there to watch the show. His gaze automatically sought out Sin, who was currently in the kitchen, even as he responded to Roz. "I was pleased with the invite, to tell the truth. I don't know many people who watch it, let alone own it."

"Well," she said reasonably, sprawling herself on the couch and throwing a smirk at Sin's back as he stood by the stove. "It's all dark and intense. Hence why Danny Boy is into it, right?"

Sin looked over to give her a flat look before letting his gaze linger on Boyd. His expression was mostly unreadable although his mouth pressed together briefly before he said, "Hi."

"Hi," Boyd said in return, wondering at that expression.

Why did Boyd get the feeling Sin may be slightly displeased when he was the one who had invited him over in the first place? Was it possible Roz was a last minute addition and Sin had wanted to be alone?

As much as Boyd wanted to believe Sin felt the same burning desire to be alone with him as he felt, he doubted that was little more than wishful thinking.

Roz flipped her long black hair over her shoulder, watching them from under bangs that she did not have the last time Boyd had seen her. Her eyes were focused on him curiously as her fingers idly twirled a few tendrils of black hair.

"I don't remember introducing you two," Sin said, flipping the stove top off. He'd apparently been preparing homemade french fries. He dumped a large portion in a bowl and crossed the room, giving it to Roz who dug in greedily.

"Yum. And you didn't. I think Tech did or something." She paused around a fry. "Hey maybe Tech would want to..."

"She wouldn't," Sin interrupted blandly. He looked over at Boyd. "Help yourself, by the way."

"Thanks."

When Boyd took a bite of a fry, he was taken back for a moment to when Sin used to make food for the two of them. He remembered the sight of Sin in the kitchen, hands taken up with the ingredients laid out before him-- giving Boyd the opportunity to come up behind him and run familiar hands along his lover's body.

He remembered the catch of Sin's t-shirt against his fingers and the flicker of a smile across Sin's lips when he glanced over his shoulder. The certainty of knowing they would always have that moment no matter what else happened.

He missed that. He missed Sin.

Realizing that his eyes had lingered very briefly on Sin, he raised his eyebrows and quirked his lips. "These are good," he said, and partially to distract from his pause he added not entirely seriously: "You should start a restaurant."

"No." Sin opened the refrigerator. "I do--"

"He doesn't even like cooking," Roz piped up from the couch. She had a remote in her hand and was flipping through a menu on the screen.

Sin threw her a chilly look but then rolled his pale green eyes, softening the expression slightly. Roz didn't seem fazed although the typical person would probably be thrown off guard. Even with a different life, Sin was still capable of the same cutting arsenal of glares.

"He's just good at it. Like everything else," she continued offhandedly, a hint of a leer in her tone although she didn't glance over. She appeared to be looking at the extras that had come with Grayson Season 2.

Boyd headed around to the front of the couch. He wondered what exactly Sin's relationship was with Roz or had been in the past, and whether Sin had disliked cooking before. He'd seemed somewhat ambivalent about it but had never definitively said either way.

It may have had to do with Sin saying in the past that he didn't know what he did and didn't like. Maybe as Danny he had a better idea.

"Why don't you like cooking?"

"Because people expect too much when you have a skill that can benefit them," was the dry reply.

Roz raised her hand lazily, putting her feet on the table that sat in front of them. "Me."

Sin sat next to her and she scooted over, looking at Boyd with large chocolate eyes. "Wanna be in the middle?"

"Sure," Boyd said, watching her briefly before sitting down between them.

The size of the couch made it so they were close enough to feel the rise of their body heat on either side of him. The faint smell of Sin was distracting. Boyd leaned back in the couch, stopping himself from turning his head to take in Sin's features.

"So neither of you have seen the second season?" he asked as a way to get his mind off the urge to touch Sin. He was entirely too aware of how he could brush his fingers along Sin's thigh if he only moved his hand a few inches to the left.

Roz shook her head, leaning close to him with a wicked smile curving her wide mouth. "Nope. I'm glad we waited now, though."

Boyd glanced over at her. Her face seemed especially close with their arrangement; he could even see the lighter flecks in her eyes. He still wasn't entirely certain what to make of her but he remembered the cafe, when she'd been the only one who had seemed nice to Kayla.

A sly smile spread across his lips. "The pleasure's all mine, I'm sure."

Roz looked surprised for a moment, leaning back, but then shrugged and curled up closer to him. "How about we ditch the cook and spend some quality time alone?"

Sin gave a low scoffing laugh and shook his head.

Boyd chuckled. "I'm afraid that arrangement wouldn't be as intriguing to me as you'd think."

"Her either considering she's a huge dyke."

Roz glared at Sin over Boyd's head. "What do you mean-- huge?"

"She just likes leading men on."

Boyd glanced at Roz, feeling a bit of tension he hadn't realized was in his shoulders dissipate at the information. So there really wasn't a more significant reason for her being there than watching the show with her friend.

"Is that so?" Boyd asked lightly, affecting a thoughtful air as he flicked his gaze along her. There was no question that she was a beautiful woman. "You'd better be careful. You could break a man's heart."

"That's the plan," she said with a wink. "Men are filthy dogs. Well. Straight ones anyway. I don't care what gay men do together."

"How noble," Sin added blandly, in a tone that was not unfamiliar.

Roz gave him a sideways glance and then leaned closer to Boyd conspiratorially. "Take this one here. Breaking that poor ginger's heart like that."

"Kayla?"

"Yeah." At the sound of her name, Roz's good humor dimmed a bit and she seemed to lose interest in whatever joking banter she'd been about to stir up. "Poor thing."

Sin tensed next to Boyd and his muscles gathered as though he were about to get up. Roz must have noticed the shift because she shook her head.

"She's just a really messed up girl. It ain't really Danny's fault. She's always been like that. He was the longest--"

"I don't know why you think a stranger has any interest in this pointless dramatic spiel."

This time, Roz actually looked hurt by the rebuke and she pouted. "Fine." She started to turn her attention to the TV, paused, and then winked at Boyd. Clearly she'd be telling him all of the gossip later.

Boyd didn't stop a quick smirk her way. She may turn out to be useful for gathering information.

They started the show soon afterward and for that time period, Boyd almost forgot about how many things had changed in his life. The show started out strong, continuing the cliffhanger that had ended the first season and throwing in a multitude of new plot points immediately. Roz had her own commentary to the show, talking out her theories and making observations. Sin was quiet, the way he always used to be; an intense shadow at his side.

As the episodes progressed, Boyd settled further into the couch. Even with Roz's voice shifting in and out of his attention, even when he responded to some of her comments, Boyd fell into a feeling of familiarity.

Sin's presence was comfortable next to him. It felt right. It felt like they were back where they'd always been, only this time watching the show with someone new they'd met at the Agency.

At one point, a plot point was revealed that he and Sin had repeatedly disagreed on in the first season. It was an intense scene and when Boyd saw that he'd been right all along, for a moment he forgot where he was.

He hit Sin on the upper arm and started to say triumphantly, "I told you--"

Sin looked at him with raised eyebrows. "What?"

The blank look was like ice crashing through his veins. Boyd dropped his hand and for a second could only stare back, feeling a crushing weight.

Even though they had debated that plot so many times, Sin didn't remember. He had no reason to. He didn't remember any of it.

Why did such a small, stupid thing feel like such a loss?

"Nothing," Boyd said, recovering quickly. He turned his attention back to the TV, his eyebrows lowering slightly. "Sorry."

Roz gave him a strange look but seemed to shrug it off. Sin's gaze lingered.

The show continued but Boyd couldn't get into it as much as before. He was more aware of Roz's comments and of the changes in Sin. Now Sin's profile was distracting him from the plot. Now he couldn't help watching to see the fluctuations in his expression, and now he wondered who had watched that first season with Sin. Whether Sin had thought the same thing about the possibility of that plot point or whether he hadn't noticed it without Boyd at his side giving his theory at the end of the episode.

Now, all he could think about was how wrong all of this was; how they weren't at the Agency and they weren't at his house. How this series may not have been as impactful to Sin anymore; not the way it had been to them in the context of agents knowing exactly how many conspiracy theories Grayson played on that weren't that far from reality.

Amidst those thoughts, he was even more aware of Sin's presence next to him. The heat of his body; the press of his shoulder against Boyd's when he shifted his weight. The way his fingers absently pulled at a loose string on his shirt hem-- the sort of absent movement he used to do before. The way those full lips occasionally parted; the dusting of his green eyes by his long black eyelashes. The way the flickering light from the screen played shadows across his features.

He was so beautiful.

Boyd's chest ached. He crossed his arms and settled more fully back into the couch, his legs unfurling in front of him. He turned slightly narrowed eyes onto the screen, trying to focus on the show again, but all he could think about for twenty minutes afterward was the way Sin flicked a sidelong glance at him at the movement. The quiet burn of that brief gaze on the side of his face and the way Boyd wanted so intensely to turn and kiss him that he dug his fingers into his palms and nearly glared at the screen.

Stop looking at me, he wanted to tell Sin. You're only making it worse.

They'd been too distracted to watch an episode of Grayson once before, he remembered abruptly. It hadn't had anything to do with the series and instead had been a result of them trying to watch an episode after one of them had gotten back from a several-day solo mission.

Back then, Boyd had found it as difficult as now to focus on the screen, but unlike now he had been able to run his hand down Sin's thigh and lean against his side. That time, Boyd had teased Sin playfully, emboldened by the obvious way Sin couldn't concentrate on the show either, until Sin had suddenly yanked Boyd onto his lap. They'd started kissing before either of them had planned it and, somewhere along the line, one of them must have absently turned off the show because an hour later when they were able to concentrate again the screen was blank.

The theme song at the end played and Boyd refocused on the screen in the present, mildly irritated with himself for his distraction. This reminiscing wasn't helping anything and he really was curious about the series, so the fact that he'd basically missed a full half of the latest episode was frustrating. His jaw flexed briefly and he made a concentrated effort to pay attention only to what was happening on screen.

They watched another few episodes, with it getting steadily later at night and the plot growing thicker. A particularly suspenseful scene ended one of the episodes, and when Sin made a move to continue to the next episode Boyd felt Roz shift at his side.

"I have to jam, guys," she said reluctantly, full mouth drawing down in a frown.

Sin glanced over from where he was sprawled, his long legs extended. "Work?"

Roz nodded, standing and stretching until her back cracked. "Early, when the beach opens."

Sin stood and she gave him a brief hug, kissing him on the cheek.

"Don't keep watching without me," she warned, pointing at Sin and then Boyd in turn. "I'll know if you try to fake it next time."

"I'll try to tear myself away."

Roz rolled her eyes at Sin. "Smart ass." She looked over at Boyd and smiled. "See you later."

"Bye," Boyd said, raising a hand in farewell.

She smiled again, gave Sin a lingering look, and let herself out.

There was a brief pause and Sin's gaze switched to focus on Boyd directly. There was a subtle shift, one that would have been unrecognizable to anyone else, but Boyd knew Sin. He knew his mannerisms-- and that gaze went from unreadable to hawk-like and intense instantly.

"Hanging around?" Sin asked.

"If it's alright." Even with the change in Sin's demeanor, Boyd was reluctant to leave when he had an excuse to be alone with Sin. He glanced at the door before refocusing on those intense green eyes. "I'd just be going back to sit around my hotel room at the moment."

He got a nod in response but Sin didn't break eye contact and leaned against the counter in the kitchen, observing Boyd calmly. It wasn't an intrusive stare but he lacked the self conscious awareness that most people had about keeping extended eye contact.

"Why do you come here if you don't know anyone," he said after a brief pause. "If all you do is sit around, what's the point?"

Boyd studied Sin for a moment. All the answers that immediately came to mind couldn't be spoken aloud. He couldn't even admit that this was reason enough; being here, in his presence. Knowing he was alive.

"It's a nice change of pace," he said with a slight shrug and stood so he could see Sin better without craning his neck. Even so, the vibe he was getting from Sin kept him in the living room area, half sitting on the back of the couch rather than moving closer. "Although I'll admit, the first time I came down here I didn't expect to become so intrigued."

"Why don't you bring friends with you so you aren't sitting around by yourself in the diner or hotel?" Sin asked, still giving Boyd the same steady stare.

"It's not really possible with my friends. It would take far too long and cause too many issues to schedule times when we could visit together. I'm appreciating the spontaneity of visiting when I want and doing what I want." Boyd shrugged again, his own gaze steady on Sin; discreetly gauging his reactions. "And it's giving me a chance to meet new people."

"Makes sense." Sin pushed himself away from the counter and let his green eyes flick over Boyd briefly before he opened the fridge.

Boyd was about to open his mouth to ask Sin a question when he felt his Agency phone vibrate in his back pocket. He pulled it out and recognized the caller ID as Carhart.

Shit.

"Sorry, I have to take this," he said, walking into the bathroom as quickly but casually as he could. He swung the door shut to give himself some privacy and walked as far into the bathroom as he could to put more space between him and the door.

"Terrence Grey speaking," he said quietly into the phone to avoid being overheard.

"Can you wrap this up tonight?" the general asked bluntly. "I need you here if you've gathered all the intel you can."

Boyd paused and shifted a little further away from the closed door. "I can head out early tomorrow morning if you'd like."

"Good. Bex and you have just been reassigned and I need you at a debriefing first thing." Carhart hung up without waiting for a reply.

Boyd sighed and flipped his phone closed. He supposed it had been too much to hope he could spend a whole day here around Sin. Disappointed, he returned the phone to his pocket and then walked out of the bathroom.

"Sorry about that." He glanced around the living room and then turned his gaze onto Sin. "Do you need any help cleaning up?"

Sin was still leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he stared at Boyd. There was another of those subtle differences in him, the muscles in his arms standing out taut in his shirt where they'd been relaxed before. His eyelids were slightly narrowed, pale green visible through his long lashes.

"No. But I have a question."

Boyd kept walking until he paused on the edge of the kitchen. He took in Sin's body language, thinking that nothing was boding well at the moment, and met his eyes.

"Of course. What is it?"

Sin closed the short distance between them in a blink, standing right in Boyd's personal space. This close, Sin seemed to tower over him.

"How many names do you go by?" he asked flatly.

Boyd's heart skipped a beat and he resisted the urge to step back. "What?" he asked rather than answering the question immediately. "Why would you ask that?"

Holding up a hand, Sin raised a finger for each as he spoke, "Boyd. Tyler. Terrence."

Boyd felt his stomach drop. Damn the Reapers for Sin's abnormally sensitive hearing. It was bad enough if Sin overheard any of Boyd's conversation with Carhart but if he had seen Boyd as Tyler, glasses and new mannerisms and all...

There was no way to explain that easily.

The way Sin loomed over him was the same intimidating way it had once been, all those years ago when they'd first met and Sin's intrusive stare had nearly been a glare. This time Boyd couldn't help taking a step back to put more distance between them to stall.

He raised a hand palm up toward Sin. "Look-- My name is Boyd, like I told you. The rest--" He stopped, grimaced faintly, and dropped his hand to his side. "The rest I can explain."

Sin's mouth twisted into a scowl and he was at Boyd a heartbeat. He wrenched Boyd off his feet by his shirt and spun them both, slamming Boyd violently against the refrigerator. The breath was nearly knocked out of Boyd, who barely stopped himself from cracking his head against the door.

"Who the fuck are you?" Sin demanded dangerously.

Surprised by the sudden change, Boyd's eyes widened and he gripped Sin's wrists. Deja vu hit him as powerfully as Sin's hold and for a second it was like staring into his old partner's eyes. The tension; the fire that made the green burn into him.

This was the way it had been when they first met-- the way it had been when Sin had seemed one step away from killing him.

"Jesus, Danny," Boyd hissed, forcing his mind back to the moment. "My name's Boyd Beaulieu, I told you. I--" He paused, searching Sin's dark glare, and knew what he had to say. "I work for Murphy Corps."

Sin's eyes narrowed further and one hand snapped up so fast that Boyd didn't even slip closer to the floor before a strong hand gripped his neck. Long fingers tightening, Sin gave a light squeeze. "Tell the truth or I'll end you right now, kid."

Boyd's breath caught beneath the pressure on his throat. His eyes locked on Sin's fiery green glare. That hand around his throat, this quick temper and paranoia...

"I'm telling you the truth! If you don't believe me--"

Boyd tensed, considering breaking free of Sin's hold but that show of aggression may only work against him in the end. It was possible he would lose any chance of gaining Sin's confidence if he turned this into a fight.

"If you don't believe me," he continued more reasonably, his muscles subtly relaxing, "reach into my back left pocket. You'll find my wallet with my ID."

There was a pause as Sin eyed him distrustfully but he complied, leaning in until they were nearly flush against each other. He slid his arm around Boyd and into the close fit of his pants.

There was a moment when Sin's eyebrows puckered, a strange expression flicking across his face that had nothing to do with anger or skepticism. He looked directly into Boyd's eyes as they drew closer together. At the press of Sin's body, Boyd's breath sucked in and his fingers tightened on Sin's wrist. He was overwhelmed by Sin's scent; by the familiarity of the hard lines of Sin's body pressed against his. He wondered if Sin could feel his heart thundering wildly in his chest. If he noticed the way Boyd's breath subtly quickened.

Gaze burning into Sin's, for that short moment Boyd couldn't have moved even if the world ended around them.

Sin extracted the wallet and quickly put distance between their bodies although he didn't loosen his hold on Boyd's throat. He flipped the wallet open with one hand. Boyd's Pennsylvania ID was side by side with his Murphy Corps ID, the names matching and descriptive information identical, although the pictures were years apart.

Sin looked at it for a moment, glanced back up at Boyd, and then eased up his grip a bit. Still, it was several long seconds before he released Boyd entirely.

"What do you want with me if you're Murphy Corps?"

Boyd caught himself before he stumbled and ran a hand along his throat. He looked up at Sin through the fall of his blond hair for a second before he straightened and met Sin's gaze with all the honesty he could give him in the circumstances.

"This--" His eyes narrowed and he shook his head with a gesture at Sin's living room. "My being here isn't about Murphy Corps. I don't even want you involved in that. It's..."

He paused again, wondering briefly whether he should stop there but knowing that wouldn't be reason enough to believe. He hesitated, not wanting to push Sin away by lies or the truth, and knowing each was equally likely to do so. But if he had to choose, he wanted to tell Sin as much truth as he could to balance out all the lies he knew he couldn't avoid.

"I like you, that's all. If I alienated or bothered you somehow because of that, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention."

The words pulled a frown at Sin's mouth and he dropped the wallet on the counter before backing up entirely. His lips parted as his eyebrows drew down, but then he hesitated and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. His gaze never left Boyd's face as if he was waiting for something to show through-- some crack in the lie, some indication that he was being dishonest.

After awhile Sin shrugged stiffly.

"I saw you on campus. You told me you weren't a student, but you were acting like one. You were with friends, dressed differently, going by a different name. And now you're making covert calls about secret assignments and going by another name."

There was a short, tense pause. "And I have reason to not be the most trusting at the moment."

Boyd sighed, realizing Sin had heard Carhart's side of the conversation too. He wondered if his time with Sin was going to end up being as brief as all this. The thought was depressing.

Picking up his wallet, he looked down at his own face peering out from the Murphy Corps ID. It was still the original picture from all those years ago-- back when his stare had been as dead as he'd felt inside. Back before he'd cared about anything.

Back before Sin.

His thumb ran across the blank stare of his own, younger face before he suddenly flipped the wallet closed and returned it to his back pocket.

"There are a lot of things related to my job that I can't talk about in detail," he said carefully. He looked up at Sin. "Regardless of whether I want to. It's to protect everyone involved." He started to cross his arms but didn't leave it that way for long before he released them and, feeling restless, curled his hands around the edge of the counter top behind him.

"You did see me there earlier. I was," he paused, fingers flexing. "On an assignment and no one was supposed to recognize me. It's important that you don't tell anyone about that-- it could blow my cover."

His gaze didn't waver from Sin's. "Part of that is my fault. If I'd followed protocol when I met you, I probably should have lied to you about my name but I didn't. I told you the truth. I know you have little reason to believe me but I promise you, the last thing I would ever want to do is endanger or harm you."

Sin's skeptical expression didn't change and the tension didn't ease out of his broad shoulders. "You don't even know me. Why would you break protocol?"

Boyd watched Sin for a moment and then sighed. He half turned away from Sin and ran a hand back through his hair, feeling agitated as his gaze darted around the kitchen. He knew his answer may make or break this brittle relationship they had.

After a pause he crossed his arms and faced Sin seriously. "Look... I'm going to tell you something I shouldn't so you know why I'm here. You cannot, and I mean cannot, tell anyone else this or we're both in a phenomenal amount of trouble. But-- you were the one who called 911 a few months back on suspicious activity, weren't you? When you saw those people follow Leenah-- the woman whose body you later had to identify."

"Why are you asking if you already know the answer," was the flat reply. Sin's expression hadn't changed, and his flinty eyes grew more suspicious.

"I came to Blue Moon to look at the site of her disappearance," Boyd explained, unperturbed. He took a step closer to Sin and dropped one hand against the counter. "I was here to investigate what happened to her."

Dark eyebrows drawing together, Sin rocked back on his heels and pursed his lips together. Fingers flexing, he pushed away from the counter and surveyed Boyd before turning his gaze to the window. "Why is Murphy Corps interested in that?"

"I can't tell you that. All I can say is one of my employers watches for that sort of activity."

"Uh huh."

Shaking his head, Sin walked out of the kitchen and into the main area by the door. "Whatever the case is, I don't really buy everything you're selling. There's something weird going on and I don't trust you worth a sweet goddamn at this point. It'd be better if you just take off for now."

Boyd wasn't surprised by the response. He felt even better for his decision to not try to tell Sin about his own true past. Even aside from the fact that he still thought it would only damage Sin's chance for happiness at the moment, it was even more obvious to him that if Sin had such a hard time believing Boyd when he was telling almost entirely the truth about himself, there was no way he would have listened to Boyd about anything else. He probably would have called the cops on him by now and demanded they never see each other again.

Even so, as he nodded and walked to the door he felt an icy lump in his stomach. Was this the last he would ever be able to interact freely with Sin? He could never leave him alone but would he have to hide his presence from Sin too in the future?

At the thought he paused with his hand on the doorknob. He turned and met Sin's eyes, wanting so desperately for him to be safe and happy that he couldn't stop himself from speaking again.

"I understand your skepticism, Danny, but please listen to me on this much: the people you saw are very bad." He watched Sin gravely, wanting him to believe at least this. Even if Sin had trusted him, there would be times Boyd couldn't be there to protect him. "If you ever think they're after you, get the hell out of there and run somewhere safe. What they did to Leenah they will do to you without hesitation-- or worse. Don't trust anything they tell you."

"None of these warnings are any good to me without any fucking information to back it up, Boyd. And I can take care of myself." Exhaling slowly, Sin looked away as if trying to hide how stormy his expression was becoming before he gestured at the door.

Boyd hesitated but knew there was nothing he felt safe saying that would make this any better. If anyone knew he'd said even as much as he had, they were both in danger. He'd never felt such a gaping hole between their positions as he did at that moment.

His gaze dropped and he nodded, opening the door and walking into the hallway. He turned around to get one last glimpse of Sin.

"Goodnight, Danny," he said quietly before the door was shut in his face.

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Continue to Fade Chapter 18...