Chapter Eleven

Confusion

Uploaded on 3/13/07

A few weeks passed without incident before their next call for a mission appeared. It was a relatively low-key, simple mission; it didn't even have anything to do with Janus. They were to collect data on Dǐ Zhì or anyone related to them, partially so they could contact them if need be, and partially just to get a better idea of what to expect from them in the future. There were rumors that they recently gained a lot of strength, and the numbers that were whispered were alarmingly high.

A cell from Dǐ Zhì moved to America a few months ago and that was the base Boyd and Sin set to infiltrate. The two were currently sitting in a small room they rented in the vicinity of the base, where they could overlook the innocuous building and not be seen. Maps and blueprints were spread across the floor in controlled chaos, and Boyd was crouched in the center of it with a small notebook and pen.

"The exits are here," Boyd said, pointing with the butt of the pen to four places on the main blueprint. "But the main database room is here." The pen slid to one of many rooms in the basement. "While it would be nice if we could just walk in the nearest exit and go down, that won't be possible. The building is set up so that the only way to access the basement is by special doors near these two exits," he pointed to the ones furthest from the database room as well as the building they currently sat in, "and there, they have major security."

He leaned back on his heels and looked up at Sin. "If we both go in disguise, it would work, but we will have to be careful. Both of us are likely to stand out; even if you have Chinese ancestry, you're too tall and tan and I'm too white and blond." He looked back down at the map thoughtfully. "Ryan said there were several nearby factions trying to merge with them, though, so I suggest we say we are representatives from 53. Andrews will back us up if they call to confirm our identity, and if they wonder why a formerly pro-Janus group is looking into Dǐ Zhì, we can say that Andrews is just keeping his options open. They will understand that, no doubt."

He tilted his head. "Or else, if they question it too much, we can say we are remnants from 89. That may be safer, as they have disbanded and it doesn't bring Janus into it at all. Otherwise they may suspect we are spies."

Sin stared at the maps without much interest from where he lay stretched out on the floor. His head was propped up on his hand and his face was the picture of boredom. "I guess."

Boyd did not seem to notice his lack of enthusiasm. "As long as we wear dark colors with the red armbands, we will easily be allowed near the base. Once there, we need to present proper identification. I had Ryan get me some IDs with fake names and legit backgrounds, in case they check. I think Dǐ Zhì is more serious than a lot of the other groups have seen, so they may actually do that. Once inside the base, we need to make sure we do not stand out."

He looked up at Sin finally, pulling some hair behind his ear. "Do what everyone else is doing, act completely casual, that sort of thing. You know what I mean. As soon as we feel we are not being watched, we will go into this door," and he pointed to one of the two special doors he mentioned before.

"This is not the quickest route to the main database center; the other door actually is a little closer. However, it should have far fewer people. We will just be silent, raise no alarms, backup all the information on a disc or two, and leave. We have to make sure we get information from the supervisor first; contact information, pamphlets, whatever it is they send with to recruit. We get out of there as innocuously as we went in, and we should be done by the end of the day." Boyd stared at the blueprint thoughtfully, then nodded to himself and looked up at Sin. "I anticipate this will only take us about six hours from start to finish."

Sin flopped backwards so that he was lying with his back against the floor and stretched lazily. "Whatever you say, sweetcheeks," He replied blandly.

Boyd blinked and gave Sin a strange look, then looked back down at the blueprints. He was thinking too seriously about planning for the mission to react much to Sin's nonchalance, or the new nickname he apparently had for him. He stood and made his way out of the center of the papers by stepping carefully in little spaces left between, and paused, staring down at Sin. "Well, 'cupcake,' I'll be taking a nap now so I'm well rested for tomorrow. You should consider doing the same."

Sin stared up at Boyd, his hair fanned out around his head like a strange, black and red halo. "Do I get a kiss goodnight?" He leered.

Boyd stared down at him without much of an expression. His lips pulled to one side in a small smirk just before he turned and walked toward the bedroom. "You didn't say 'please,'" he drawled idly just before he shut the door behind him.

Sin raised an eyebrow and pulled himself up so that he could crawl towards the door like some kind of sleek, stalking cat. He scratched at the door and made pitiful whining sounds; Boyd did not answer and he snorted before flinging himself on the floor again, staring up at the ceiling.

He was incredibly unenthusiastic about this mission; it seemed to be something akin to busy work created by the long gap caused by Thierry's difficult behavior. Perhaps Carhart was giving them something to do so that they would not get bored or lose their edge. It was a somewhat idiotic idea considering the fact that they'd locked him up for years at a time without him having lost his edge before. It was just that the idea of going through all of this trouble to sneak into a base just to get some information and leave seemed so very... dull. He'd never been good at these kinds of assignments; never been good at low key sneaking and data collecting and now that he had Boyd who excelled at those things... he didn't really feel the need to bother at all.

Having a partner had gone from obnoxious and invasive to almost welcome but that was most likely due to the fact that it was Boyd who was his partner. In a few short weeks they almost seemed like friends at times, or at least something very similar. After he'd returned from his solo assignment they'd had mostly long gaps without much activity although they'd still managed to cross paths every now and then. During those occassions he'd felt more alive than he had in his entire twenty eight years; spending time with someone who seemed to have interest in him for reasons other than his usefulness or skill as a killer was pleasant. More than pleasant. He now experienced a comfortable sense of familiarity with Boyd that he'd never felt with anyone else before. He made jokes and was almost playful at times, mostly because he just wanted to get a reaction out of Boyd, to see him smile. Boyd's smile had been like a phantom at first. It flitted in and out so quickly that it was almost like it had never been there at all. But the more Sin saw it, the more he desired to see it again; especially if it was aimed at him.

This sudden focus on Boyd's mouth caused other strange thoughts but he mostly pushed those to the side. Although he had to admit to himself that sometimes in the dark, dead lull of long sleepless nights, he couldn't quite get the memory of Boyd's taste out of his mind. The thoughts were strange and mostly unwelcome; he didn't need any more complications in an already convoluted situation. He was barely used to the idea of friendship without adding the unncessary idea of physical attraction. He'd never had need for such a thing and he didn't now.

Sin sighed and closed his eyes, debating harassing his partner some more but deciding that he'd behaved sufficiently oddly for the evening and attempted to fall asleep.

The next morning was a relatively bright day, and Boyd was very intent on the mission. He was quiet and kept scrutinizing the blueprints as if memorizing them, looking at all the levels so he would know what routes to take if certain ones were cut off. He was dressed in a dark long-sleeved shirt and sweater, dark pants and his usual combat boots. His nearly shoulder-length blond hair was pulled into a ponytail and shoved under a baseball cap so it looked much shorter. He had a coat he was debating bringing as well, since it was cold out.

With his hands placed in his pockets, he looked down at Sin, who was still sprawled on the floor. "I was reconsidering the plan last night," he told him, "and it occurred to me that it would be best if we went in separately. I will approach them first, and say I am from 53. You will come a half hour after me, and say you are from 89 or 53, whichever you prefer. We can meet near that door at 0915, and go down together." He pulled a small card out of his back pocket and dropped it onto Sin's chest. "This is your ID card, make sure you have it just in case."

Sin stared at the ID card and then observed Boyd's dark attire. "So how exactly do you expect that I will blend in?"

Boyd tilted his head back toward the room he slept in. "My bag is in there; I brought you a set of dark clothes and another armband. It doesn't have the words on it that 53's would if you use them as your excuse, but you could say you came from 89 and still haven't grown accustomed."

"Wonderful," Sin drawled and got to his feet. "It will just be like a masquerade ball. Do you know how to dance to a minuet and trio?"

Boyd stared at Sin; he didn't even know how to respond to that. Sin clearly wasn't taking the mission seriously at this point, but it didn't matter as long as they were able to make it inside. Boyd had always seemed to take their job more seriously, but this was their first chance to work together as a team so he was especially focused. Which meant that he didn't particularly feel the need to banter until they were finished with the mission. Turning his back on him as he shook his head, Boyd walked toward the door. "I will see you later," he said calmly. "If for some reason I am unable to get in, you will have to back up all the information on the disc that I left you in the bedroom. That is another reason to go separately. Just keep that in mind in case you do not see me; get what you need from the database center, bring it back here, and wait the night. If I do not return by morning, then you can come look for me again. I will do the same for you." The door shut behind him, and he did not even wait for a reply.

Sin's mouth turned down into a displeased frown and he wandered into the bedroom, staring down at the clothes in question. This was going to be a terribly unexciting mission.

---

Boyd checked his watch for the third time. 0923 and still no sign of Sin. He decided to give him ten minutes leeway in case he was detained anywhere, but that was two minutes away and he did not see Sin anywhere. His eyes narrowed and he leaned against the wall outside the building, nodding idly to a man who walked past him. Boyd had a cup of what looked to be coffee, which he held as if he were trying to warm his hands. He brought the mug closer to his face and acted as though he were staring at it blandly when in fact he was checking the vicinity with his peripheral vision.

He would give Sin one more minute, and if he did not arrive, then he would just complete the mission on his own and find him later. The good news was that Sin could not properly be in danger; without the threat of being sent to the box for lashing out, he surely would not hold himself back if he were being attacked. There must just be something that was slowing him down.

It was not clear how long Sin had been standing there, but he was suddenly right behind Boyd, leaning in close and saying not so quietly in his ear: "Aren't you supposed to be sneaking in or something?"

Boyd stiffened and did not move for a moment. He had a bad feeling that he was not going to be happy, but he turned around anyway to see what the hell Sin thought he was doing.

Sin stared down at his partner impassively, raising an eyebrow at the displeased look that appeared to be forming on Boyd's face. He was leaning casually against a tree, dressed in his usual black fatigues. He was not wearing the black sweater or the armband and he had on one of his newer, burnt orange t-shirts over the old thermal shirt that he refused to throw away. "What?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Boyd hissed, holding the cup down further and staring at him incredulously. "Did you retain nothing I told you?"

"Oh," The word came out slowly and almost sullenly. Sin shrugged and crossed his arms at his chest. "What difference does it make?" He complained. "I didn't want to. I never used to do things like that before."

Boyd stared at him for a long moment. There were so many things wrong with this that he didn't even know where to start. "This is not 'before,'" he said finally, his voice low with an undercurrent of irritation. "And the difference is it could cost the mission. Did you forget that you're recognizable as a mass murderer? If you didn't want to do it this way in the first place, why didn't you tell me yesterday when we were planning this out?"

Sin scowled at him. "What does it even matter? It's too late now so just carry on and stop worrying about what I'm doing," He snapped.

"Don't get snippy with me," Boyd said in irritation. "I'm not the one who changed everything. If you want to deviate so badly, do this your own way and I'll do it mine, and we'll see which one finishes first." He looked at Sin almost challengingly and he pushed away from the wall. He turned and started walking toward the door, then paused. "Don't get too close to me or you'll ruin my cover," he informed him a little coolly.

"Screw your cover," Sin replied testily and gave Boyd a particularly mean look before turning on his heel and walking in the opposite direction.

Boyd strode quickly toward the entrance with a narrow-eyed, determined look. He easily slipped inside the entrance and wound his way down toward the basement. In the distance he could hear sudden gunshots and alarmed yells, most of it in Chinese. There were a few crashes that resounded through the hallways, and more than one soldier came barreling down the hallway in the opposite direction Boyd strode. Most of them did not even give him a second glance; they were too concerned with the noise from upstairs.

Only one looked at him and yelled something in Chinese, pointing behind Boyd. Boyd nodded frantically with wide eyes and then pointed the way he was going, holding up the coffee mug helplessly. The man gave him a strange look, started to run again and yelled something at Boyd, to which Boyd looked really confused. He waved urgently for Boyd to follow, but Boyd shook his head and shrugged exaggeratedly, as if to say he did not understand. Giving Boyd a disgusted look, the man muttered something in Chinese and ran off without him. Boyd was fairly certain he was just called something demeaning, but it was fine with him.

He didn't run into anyone else the rest of the way, although the loud noises and occasional jolts to the entire building continued unabated. Boyd looked up at one point when dust fell from the ceiling. What the hell is he doing up there? he wondered, and ran the rest of the way to the room.

He skidded to a halt as he rounded the corner, and was mildly surprised to see Sin standing nonchalantly outside the door to the main database room. How did he get there so fast? Boyd even ran most of the way. He stared at him, then slowly walked toward him and looked curiously at the door. It was still closed, and Sin looked bored. "What are you doing? Did you finish?"

Sin seemed loathe to answer so he stood up straight very slowly and examined the Ruger in his hand with exaggerated interest. "Not exactly," He replied. "I was debating shooting the lock on the door but I'm 98% positive that it will not have the desired effect."

"And I'm 100% positive you're correct," Boyd muttered under his breath, still seeming a little annoyed. Did Sin not listen to anything he said? An entire twenty minutes the day before was devoted to the importance of this part of the mission, and how exactly to enter the room. Granted, Boyd had expected himself to do it, but he still told Sin. Yet Sin paid no attention to anything at all he said, despite the fact that Boyd spent a lot of time creating the mission plan in a manner that allowed them to work together. It would have been nice if the first time Sin actually accompanied him on a mission they'd managed to do a good job. But apparently that was too much to ask for when it came to them. And Sin, meanwhile, by ignoring pertinent information, could have just killed himself without even knowing it was a danger.

Frustrated, Boyd walked right in front of Sin and with one-handed ease typed in the code that unlocked the door; he still had the coffee cup in his other hand. He waited a second, holding up his free hand for Sin to wait in case he should feel the need to rush in, and counted to five seconds beneath his breath. Then, he typed in another code and hit the clear button twice. He waited another three seconds, typed in a third, and held the door latch up at a particular angle.

The door made a releasing noise, like air escaping, and swung open innocently before them. Boyd waited a moment, listening intently for any movement inside the room. When he heard nothing he looked up at Sin sidelong and said mildly, "It is fortunate you waited; anything but that sequence and you would have caused yourself, and all the data, to explode."

He strode into the room without waiting for Sin to respond, flipping a light on as he called idly over his shoulder, "Shut the door behind you." He headed for the main computer terminal.

Sin glared at his back and slammed the door shut with so much force that the room shook.

"Subtle, Sin," Boyd drawled from the other end of the room. "No one will ever know we're here now." He didn't even look up from the computer as he quickly typed access codes he had memorized from before and slipped the disc in to start saving the data.

Sin leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his shoulder as he glared at Boyd through narrowed eyes. "Maybe I should go back to letting you do this shit on your own, since you're so fucking clever."

"I wouldn't say that," Boyd said, waiting for the disc to finish burning. Sin was clearly feeling cross but he couldn't bring himself to care too much about his threats right then. He was trying to do his job, and Sin was not taking it seriously. He looked sidelong at Sin over his shoulder and added almost sweetly, "You make a very good distraction."

It occurred to Sin that he wanted to hit Boyd and the realization did not sit well with him. The fact that it didn't sit well with him, sat even worst. Frustration and anger spread through him and he squeezed his hands into fists so tightly that his knuckles popped. He'd been doing this long before Boyd had come along and now here Boyd was, condescending to him like he couldn't get it done. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the fact that Boyd obviously didn't think much of him that was bothering him the most.

"Whatever," He growled. "You're on your own then." He turned on his heel and disappeared out the door without a backward glance.

Boyd did not bother watching him go, and finished the job as quickly and efficiently as he would have had he been on his own. He didn't know what he felt about Sin's reaction; it was clear Boyd hurt his feelings, or at least angered him, but he could not bring himself to care. Sin was supposed to be the professional one, who had more than a decade worth of experience, unlike Boyd. Yet he did not take it seriously from the start, as if it were all a game unless he got to kill people.

Although he still fully believed that Sin was human and should be treated as one that did not mean he could not be a stupid human sometimes. He jeopardized the mission from the beginning, created a lot of havoc when the whole point was to get in and out silently, and then just left in the middle of it because Boyd was not pandering to his every need. Worse, because he slammed the door like that, it may have tripped one of the triggers that could cause the room to blow up.

Boyd slipped the disc into its protective cover, hid it in his inner pocket, and swiped the coffee cup off the table as he passed. Striding out the door, his eyes were narrowed and his expression was displeased. He bet Sin did not even bring the protective cover for the disc with either. He probably would have scratched the fucking disc with his stupid old shirt even if he had gotten here first. And Sin almost shot the door which would have killed him, destroyed the data they needed, and incinerated any number of other people in the base, including probably Boyd as well.

Why?

Because Sin apparently felt he could do whatever he wanted. Because he wanted to do things the 'old way' even though there was no old way anymore. Sin wasn't on his own, Boyd was his partner. He had been so for months now, even if it took a long time for Sin to bother to lift a single fucking finger to help him. It looked like things were going well for awhile, and then Sin decided to ignore all the preplanning and jeopardize everything just so he could feel clever.

Boyd strode down the hallway, and when a man appeared yelling Chinese at him, he did not even slow or properly glance at him before he just threw the warm coffee in his eyes. The man stumbled back in surprise, yelling and covering his face and Boyd slammed him on the back of his head with his elbow, aiming for the area that would knock him out quickest. Boyd paused only long enough to swipe his gun while he was down.

He continued walking until someone else appeared with a gun aimed at him. This time Boyd simply whipped the mug at his head so strongly and abruptly that it slammed into his forehead and eye, temporarily blinding him with pain. The man jerked the gun up and it went off automatically, firing harmlessly past Boyd as he slid to the side. While his other hand curled protectively over his bruised eye, the man glared in disbelief and started to aim the gun again but Boyd did not give him the chance to recover. Boyd slipped into his personal space and quickly slammed a hand over each of the man's ears at the same time. It was a gamble that he would do it right, but he was lucky; the man looked incredibly disoriented and Boyd slammed him on the back of the head to knock him out.

Boyd managed to get out of the facility easily enough, evading where he could, fighting back efficiently when he could not. When he finally made it back to their shared room, he was unsurprised to see that Sin was nowhere to be found. He gathered all their intel together, wiped the room of their prints, and walked all the way to his house. Because this was in the city, they decided they did not need the car. Even with all his layers on, Boyd was cold, and he could only imagine what the idiot in the threadbare shirt felt.

Then again, maybe getting his fingers frozen off would teach Sin that some things were out of his control, and some things worked best with preplanning, like wearing a fucking sweater and coat in the winter, for example. When he came whining to Boyd because he had frostbite, Boyd would not care. He opened his door more violently than he had to when he got there, and dropped everything on the floor just inside. He did not bother going to the agency for a report; Carhart could fucking wait. Instead, he went to his room where he flipped on his reading light and moodily read about Thomas Paine's irritation with monarchies. The book should have helped calm him, but it was probably unconsciously reminding him of Sin and when they quoted Paine to each other. Thinking of Sin only made him think of the mission, and that certainly did not help his mood. As a result, the irritation continued in a low simmer centered in his stomach.

His cell phone rang suddenly from his bag, and Boyd slammed his book down on the bed next to him. He pulled the phone out and flipped it on, not even bothering to check who it was before he said angrily, "What."

There was silence for a long moment and then a casual, "Hey."

Boyd was silent for a long time, closing his eyes and letting his head thump back against the headboard. He made an effort to rein in his irritation; he was still unused to feeling emotions like anger and they tried to get away from his control when he felt them. He drew in a deep breath, let it out, and said relatively calmly though a hint of irritation remained, "I see you made it out alive."

There was another long period of silence. "Can you bring me some candy?"

Boyd did not know what to say at first, so he let the silence stretch once again. Finally, he asked, "Right now?"

"Uh huh."

Boyd found his gaze dropping to his lap and the book where he had slammed it down at his side. He didn't feel as angry anymore, but that didn't mean he appreciated anything Sin did today. And now apparently he needed candy at, he glanced at his watch, two in the fucking morning. He considered telling Sin he could wait for the next day, but he was awake and he could not concentrate on his book anyway. He sighed heavily, the irritation still there and he fished his keys out of his bag.

"Fine," he said finally and headed for the kitchen. Sin was going to get the old chocolate sitting in his cupboard; there was no way he was going to try to find something else this early in the morning.

"So, are you coming then?"

"Yes, I'll be there in a few minutes." Boyd paused as he balanced the phone between his ear and his shoulder, trying to put one arm of his coat on. Without waiting for Sin to respond, he pulled the phone from his ear and flipped it closed, terminating the call.

True to his word, he made it to the Agency in very little time. He ignored the startled glances the guards gave him, and when one asked him what he was doing there so late, he said firmly, looking rather irritated, "Don't ask." The guard backed off quickly enough.

Pulling his access card from his pocket, Boyd swiped it to get into the building, and went through a few doors, up the elevator, and finally paused just outside Sin's apartment door. He didn't know if it worked but he tried anyway just out of curiosity. He swiped his card and the little light turned green. The door opened so Boyd pushed it forward to get inside.

If Sin hadn't seen Boyd coming towards the building through the window he most likely would have pounced on him as soon as the door opened, thinking he was an enemy. The fact that he had access to Sin's apartment was unsurprising considering the complete lack of privacy he had at any time. Nonetheless, it irritated him and he wondered who else could just waltz into his quarters. It angered him so much that he completely forgot about the fact that he'd called Boyd over for the simple purpose of making up. Although Boyd had annoyed him on the mission, although his condescending, smug attitude had nearly earned him a fist in the mouth, the idea of them not getting along had irked Sin even more. But all of that was forgotten with the unwanted reminder that he had no privacy, no rights and that Boyd was supposed to be in control of him. "Wow."

"Wow what?" Boyd asked with an edge to his voice, noting Sin's irritated expression. What, was he mad that Boyd didn't have a whole bag of candy for his sweet tooth?

Sin's eyebrows drew together and the irritation seemed to intensify at the tone of Boyd's voice. "Wow at you just unlocking my door."

"It's a special trick of mine," Boyd said sarcastically. "When I have a key, magically I can unlock doors. I have no idea how it happens."

"Well aren't you the big shot," Sin drawled, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Not only are you an expert at infiltration but you have access to the monster's apartment. Congratulations. You're a fucking star."

"Yes, praise Boyd fucking Beaulieu," Boyd said testily, "he can actually do his fucking job." He pulled the candy bar out of his pocket and held it out to Sin. "Here, it was all I had. Did you need anything else?" The last was asked partially mockingly, partially seriously.

Sin took it and tossed it over his shoulder, where it landed on the couch. "No."

Boyd raised an eyebrow at the casual way Sin threw the candy, as if he did not care about it despite making Boyd come all the way over just to give it to him. He shook his head. "I'm going," he said firmly and turned to leave through the still-open door.

Sin slammed the door closed just as Boyd started to go through it. The reaction was unexpected but he didn't want Boyd to leave. Frustration built inside him and mingled with the irritation, causing him to manhandle Boyd in a not so gentle way. Grabbing Boyd's arm roughly, he twisted it behind his back and spun him so that they were face to face. He released his arm, immediately pinning him against the wall and suddenly...

Suddenly the feel of Boyd's slender body pressed against his own caused the irritation to abruptly vanish and become replaced by something stranger, stronger and hotter. His lips parted, eyebrows drawing together as he gazed down at Boyd through his long dark eyelashes. "No, you're not."

The door had barely slammed shut in front of Boyd before he found himself against the wall, and he was so surprised that he only stared with widened eyes. His heart rate and breath quickened when he realized he was pinned, but he stayed very still and looked quickly at Sin's eyes to judge the situation. Pale green turned darker, maybe from the shadows or maybe because the color was filtered through Sin's eyelashes.

Whatever the case, while he seemed intense, Boyd could tell he was perfectly in his right mind. That alone eased some of the tension; knowing Sin didn't seem likely to hurt him, he was able to relax enough to think about what was happening.

It was a distraction to feel Sin's hands on his shoulders, his body that close. They had never really stood still in front of each other with just silence and inches to separate them for any period of time, and Boyd could only stare. Belatedly, Sin's words translated in his mind. He should have been annoyed or confused, but something about Sin's tone darkly amused Boyd, relaxed him just enough to be stubborn.

"Oh really?" he drawled. "And why not?"

Sin released Boyd but placed his hands against the wall on either side of Boyd's head. He leaned down so that they were eye to eye, his face unreadable despite the strange intensity that burned in his heavy lidded eyes. "Because I don't want you to," he said quietly, voice a low, husky drawl.

Sin's proximity was an even larger distraction. Boyd did not think he had ever been that close to Sin, and he found himself noting strange details. His skin was smooth, completely free of even the smallest freckle. The darkness of his eyelashes emphasized the paleness of his eyes, but right now it was the strength of that gaze that had Boyd captivated. He could not even think of looking away; Sin fascinated him at that moment in a way he never had before.

"And I'm supposed to do everything you want?" Boyd asked softly, barely realizing he spoke.

Nearly translucent green eyes burned but it wasn't the normally wild fury that was causing the fire. It was something else. Something that swept through his body like a fire storm and burned deep in his stomach. Sin didn't know what it was; he didn't know why he was acting this way; he'd intended to lash out, intended to articulate his anger the only way he knew how, but as soon as Boyd's body had pressed against his, it turned into something else. Something foreign and strange that he did not understand; the thing that had haunted his thoughts ever since the day in the gym.

He stared into the honey brown eyes silently before his own eyes dropped to Boyd's soft, pink lips; the lips he'd been so preoccupied with lately. A ragged breath escaped his mouth and he shuddered slightly, unconsciously leaning closer. "No."

Boyd couldn't quite place how this came to be. He drew in a slightly shaky breath at how close Sin was and the way they pressed together. He could feel the sleek lines of Sin's body beneath his usual ragged clothes, hard muscles taut and tense. Boyd slid his eyes closed, trying to pull his scattered thoughts into order. He felt himself almost reach out, but he didn't really think he wanted to start this. He didn't know what he truly felt about Sin, he didn't know what this would mean; he was confused and off-balance and the lack of transition made his head spin.

He lifted a hand, placing it against Sin's shoulder as he tried to press himself against the wall away from his partner. "Sin," he whispered, mostly a breath with a brief hint of voice in the middle. He tried to think about how people were watching on the cameras right now, how Ryan might be watching, how awkward it would be, and it was enough to give him some resolve.

Boyd pushed lightly against Sin, trying to ignore the feel of Sin's bare skin beneath his fingers. "I should go," he whispered, feeling at once regretful and grateful for his decision.

When Boyd spoke, his lips barely brushed against Sin's. It sent another current of fire straight through Sin's body, a body which had long since gone without that kind of touch, these kinds of feelings. "No."

Boyd slid his eyes open just enough to stare at Sin through his eyelashes. "I should," he said, a little louder.

It was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on Sin and he was suddenly awaking from a dream. For a moment Sin was confused, he didn't know how this had happened or why those feelings had suddenly begun racing through him. He didn't even know what he would've done with Boyd if he were to stay. He pulled away from Boyd abruptly and gave him an odd look, as though he were the one behaving strangely when in reality he was giving it because he had no idea why Boyd inspired such confused emotions within him. "Yeah. You should."

Slumping forward, Boyd drew in a deep, steadying breath, and stared at Sin through the shelter of his hair. He was... so confused. Sin was the one that started it, and even if Boyd mostly wanted whatever was happening to stop, he still wasn't expecting the look Sin gave him. As if Boyd were the one that initiated it, as if Boyd were the one at fault.

It annoyed him a little, added frustration to his confusion and made him not even know how to respond for a moment. Boyd had been ready to leave the apartment, was on his way out, but Sin stopped him. Sin was the one who said no, who leaned in so close they actually touched. Sin was the one who acted strangely, made Boyd's heart race and his mind entirely too aware of how he felt pressed against him. It was Sin who for that moment changed how they interacted, who made Boyd realize what his eyes looked like that close and entirely focused on him, who watched him with a specific type of intensity Boyd had not yet seen him show.

It was enough for Boyd to have thought briefly that something else was going on, that Sin could even have been attracted to him. But... with that look, with the way he said those words... Something happened here that Boyd did not understand. Was Sin playing with him? Was he truly just so bored in the apartment that he made Boyd come over so he could be entertained for a bit? But what the hell was he doing?

As far as Boyd understood, Sin had viciously attacked people because they'd gotten close to Sin in precisely the same manner that just occurred. At the time, the only thing that calmed Boyd was knowing that Sin looked entirely sane, that the wildness of those green eyes was missing. Every other time Sin had touched him, he hurt him, usually tried to kill him. He couldn't trust Sin's hands on him, his body that close, couldn't expect it to be anything but Sin going out of his mind enough that he overcame his aversion to being near someone.

But with Sin looking fully aware this time, it made it even more bewildering that now Sin looked at him as if he were utterly uninterested, as if Boyd were the one inconveniencing him, as if Boyd had come onto him. He didn't know Sin well enough yet to fully gauge his intentions, and when he did something out of the norm like that, it made it even more difficult for Boyd to know exactly what was happening. All he knew at that moment was that Sin was not making sense, and seemed to be silently blaming Boyd for something that was not his fault.

Beyond even Sin's questionable motives, though, what the hell was with his own reaction? True, Ryan was always waxing poetic about Sin, and Boyd had started to agree. True, Boyd found himself recently growing angry on Sin's behalf, 'acting in a manner unbecoming a Beaulieu' as his mother would probably say. True, he had to admit that Sin made quite an attractive combination with his smooth skin, muscular body, olive complexion, pale green eyes and shock of thick hair. True, his smile lit up his whole face and made Boyd want to see it again.

So many things were true, but they did not necessarily equate to Boyd feeling anything for Sin, being attracted to Sin. Because he could say the same about Ryan; he was nice, and cute, and when he smiled it brightened his whole expression, but that did not mean that Boyd would feel anything being so close to him. He didn't think, at least.

Boyd just simply did not expect that he would have reacted to Sin's proximity in any way, but there it was. That moment, with Sin so close he could feel his breath, with their bodies pressed together and whispers the only thing that separated them, Boyd found himself wanting to kiss Sin. For that moment, he wanted to surge forward and taste every part of his skin, he wanted to feel his muscles beneath his fingers and pull him so close that nothing separated them.

The intensity of the reaction had also startled him and he didn't know what to do. He knew that couldn't be right, this wasn't what he wanted, he would have known earlier. Something as strong as that should not come about so suddenly without it being a deception. Boyd must have just been reacting to another body against his. It must have been because he was slowly regaining his emotions, and passion was just another he uncovered after years of dormancy.

Maybe it was especially strong only because he had not felt it in so long. He probably would have felt that way if any other attractive man had pressed against him and stared at him like that, right? It couldn't have really been connected to Sin, because... Because that just didn't make sense. Not that strong a reaction, not that fast.

God, what the hell was happening here?

Boyd pushed away from the wall finally and just looked at Sin. He wanted to say something, but words failed him. So he just stared, his expression unreadable and perhaps a little wary.

Sin stared back at Boyd with an equally unreadable expression, arms crossed over his chest with an almost defensive posture. He didn't know what to say, he didn't even know what to think; there was a silent standoff for several moments before he finally grabbed his chocolate from the couch and ripped the wrapper off. "I'm sorry..." He paused and eyed his candy contemplatively. "For not following your mission parameters."

That helped even less. Now Boyd didn't know what was happening at all. Sin was actually apologizing to him? He stared at him blankly for a long moment before he thought to shake his head. "It's... fine," he said slowly, bewildered. "Just, next time, we'll set the mission so you can do your thing, and I'll do mine, and it will be in the plans."

Sin nodded and took a large bite out of his chocolate, possibly so he wouldn't have to speak anymore. "Well, thanks," he said flatly.

Boyd just stared at Sin again. His tone was clearly a dismissal, even if Sin was lounging there calmly. What the hell was his problem? He felt the irritation rising again, tilted with confusion, and overall he just felt very frustrated with Sin's presence.

And he was even trying to be nice, too. He'd brought the stupid candy bar over even though it was two in the morning, he told him he'd take into account Sin's style in future missions, and now he was basically being told to get out without Sin even having the decency to say it in so many words. So many things happened in the space of the last few minutes that Boyd felt like it would be awhile before he actually understood what it all meant.

He turned to leave, then stopped, and turned back to Sin. "You..." he said, sounding a little annoyed, but he didn't have anything to say so he trailed off and just watched Sin for a moment.

Sin knew Boyd was confused but he was too. He knew he was annoying Boyd, but he was annoying himself too. He couldn't talk about something that he hadn't intended to happen; he couldn't talk about something he didn't understand. He'd never touched anyone in that way before, he didn't even know what had caused him to get the desire to do such a thing. The safe thing to do was to pretend like it didn't happen, but he didn't want to piss Boyd off even more than he already was.

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped abruptly and suddenly felt incredibly aware of the cameras that he knew were watching them at that very moment. Somehow it'd slipped his mind in the past few minutes. He glanced up at the wall and then over at Boyd significantly and shrugged.

Boyd followed his gaze and felt even more irritated. He knew about the stupid cameras, that was why he'd stopped this. He just stared at Sin for a moment then finally shook his head. He didn't care anymore; he didn't want to think about any of this. Really, he just wanted to go home and go to sleep.

Boyd started to leave, but when his fingers touched the metal door handle, he realized just how cold it was in the apartment. It hadn't occurred to him before because he was moving around, and angry, and thinking about so many other things instead. But now that he stood still, with his fingers on the metal, he could feel the cold in the bite of the air on the skin of his face and hands. It was actually worse than the room he stayed in while he was training, and this time when he looked at the ceiling and walls it had nothing to do with the cameras. Were Sin's vents opened all the way like his were for awhile? But he couldn't see any visible vents, and he didn't know how Sin would be able to even change it.

He shouldn't care. Sin was being an asshole, but then again, he looked a little confused too. Maybe they both just needed to sleep and forget this happened. It was clearly just something that was complicating matters too much and didn't mean anything.

Turning to Sin on the couch, he noted that he still wasn't wearing a shirt. Sin looked cold, even if he didn't seem to notice it himself, or maybe he was just doing his tough act again. When Boyd left, would Sin go into the bathroom and shiver so hard his teeth chattered, because he thought that was the only place he had any privacy anymore? All he had to do was put on one of his new shirts, but even that would probably not be warm enough for this type of temperature.

Sighing softly to himself in defeat, Boyd suddenly took off his coat, dropped it to the ground and tucked the long-sleeved shirt he wore beneath his sweater into his pants. Then he reached down and started pulling off his sweater without saying a word.

Sin gave Boyd a slightly alarmed look. "What are you doing?"

"Another favor I really shouldn't be," Boyd said, sounding at once resigned and a little irritated as he struggled to pull the garment over his head.

Sin's gaze was surprised and almost a little hurt, but his eyes quickly turned blank, emotionless. "I see."

When he got the sweater off, he noticed Sin's decidedly blank look and sighed. "I didn't mean it that way," he said a little wearily. "I meant I'm just an idiot." He balled the sweater up and tossed it from across the room into Sin's lap, then reached down and pulled his coat back on. Opening the door, he paused before he started to leave. "In case you get cold," he said softly by way of explanation. "Good night."

The door clicked shut quietly behind him.

Sin stared down at the sweater for a long moment. Once again, confusion was the dominant emotion and he knew that he would not be able to figure out what had just happened, even if he tried.

He didn't understand his own behavior, didn't understand why his feelings were so scattered and out of control. He didn't like the spontaneous way his body reacted to Boyd or the fact that he hadn't been able to control it. It was obvious though, that he'd offended Boyd in some way and he wasn't surprised by that fact. He was pushing boundaries of an already tentative arrangement, just because he couldn't figure out what he felt, what he wanted.

Years of experiencing nothing but anger and violence had not prepared him for these new desires and feelings; he felt like a twelve year old boy who'd hit puberty and who'd just decided that hitting someone else wasn't the only form of touch. It was as irritating as it was humiliating and Sin wished that he'd revert back to his usual asexual self because it was too confusing and too unwanted for him to deal with at the moment.

He picked up the sweater, noting absently that it smelled like Boyd, and stood, retreating to a dark corner of the room where the cameras would not be able to pick him out of the shadows.

Continue to Ch 12 ~ The Birthday