Chapter Twenty-Nine

Incongruity

Uploaded on 4/28/07

A loud whining sound jolted Boyd awake so suddenly that he jerked, eyes snapping open. He stared wildly, heartbeat a crescendo in his chest, and it took him a second to even think to look for the source. Sin was standing at the entrance to their studio, clad only in low-slung jeans as he bent over with a drill. A middle-aged man Boyd had never seen before stood next to their couch, watching Sin work. He gestured and said something rapidly in Spanish and Sin didn't even look over before he replied in the same language.

Boyd couldn't tell if they were arguing or chatting, but Sin didn't seem to be on high alert so he just sagged back against the bed and threw a pillow over his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He had the vague beginnings of a headache from lack of sleep and the whirring of the drill was not helping matters at all. This was a prime example of why it was an issue living with someone with such different sleeping patterns. Not that he could really blame Sin for practically being an insomniac; it had been trained into him as a child, it was really his father's fault. The thought still bothered Boyd and it made him want to counteract it just to prove that Sin didn't have to be on guard at all times. At least he seemed to have been getting slightly better; Boyd was fairly certain he slept more in Monterrey than he had back at the Agency.

He lay still for a few minutes, vaguely attempting to doze off or perhaps ignore the drill, but it was too late; Sin had effectively woken him for the day. He sighed to himself and listened distantly to Sin murmuring in Spanish, letting the words that meant nothing to him pass him by; it was easier to listen to the rise and fall of Sin's words, voice, even his mood, when Boyd didn't know what he was saying.

His eyes slid closed and he found himself thinking about the night before. He was still a little surprised by what he'd seen but in the light of the morning, he began thinking about what he would do about it. Even if he'd known Sin could be interested in him, he still hadn't been certain until he saw something so obvious that there was no ignoring it. Was it the same for Sin? Boyd had been flirting with him here and there but he hadn't been completely obvious yet; mostly because he didn't want to mess anything up. But at least now he knew that it was unlikely that he would scare Sin away just by showing he was interested in him.

The reasons that had been stopping him before were no longer issues. He hadn't known if Sin was attracted to him or would continue to be after he had choices, but now he knew that even after a woman had begged him, he'd still stopped and come to Boyd. He hadn't been willing to compromise the truce they had more or less come to just to satisfy his own craving or curiosity but knowing that sort of information changed the situation. Sin and he had also been under watch back at the Agency but now they were free of the scrutiny. And even if both issues had not existed, until recently they hadn't been seeing each other often enough for any situations to occur that could have included them being intimate in any way. But even that was now gone, as they were in another country, living in the same studio, with their beds right next to each other. And returning to that dark, silent house every day had made it easier for him to just shut down a little, to not want to push for something new, to just let routines take over his life where he could stay in the safety of shadows. But here, the sun was so hot that the shadows seemed less intense and even when he was alone in the studio, seeing Sin's items strewn around the room reminded him that he wasn't alone, that they were in the middle of a huge city, that there was no true place for silence here. He couldn't just hide away until he could forget everything like he tended to default to when he was alone. There really was no longer a good excuse for Boyd to hold himself back, not that he wanted to anymore.

Even so, Boyd was not about to stand up, walk over to Sin and say he wanted to fuck him. Part of that was because it was just not his style and another part was because he was curious. He knew Sin wanted him but Sin was also very good at hiding what he was thinking and feeling. It made Boyd want to mess with him, to push him from different angles, to see how long it took for Sin to be unable to hold back, to show what he was really feeling. He wanted to tease him mercilessly, to build to the point where he would just be obvious. He wanted to see Sin's expression shift, change, crack; he wanted to be responsible for that guardedness to buckle beneath the weight of his desire. Maybe it was a little cruel of Boyd to feel that way, he didn't know. But he had been the same with Lou at times; once he'd known that Lou liked him, once they'd fallen into routine, he'd started to tease him slowly, bit by bit, to see what he'd do. It was probably at least partially because it made Boyd feel like for once, if there was someone tracking his movements or unable to look away, it was for a positive reason rather than a negative. Because it was a time when he knew he wasn't being judged, he was being appreciated.

He pushed himself up on one elbow and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Neither of them seemed to notice that he was awake, but it was more likely that Sin was just ignoring the fact that he'd gotten up. He padded over on bare feet, ruffling his messy hair back as he yawned. The man nearly jumped when Boyd stopped at his side and he looked over while stopping himself off in mid-sentence.

"Hola," Boyd said with a lopsided, sleepy smile; he held his hand out and the man shook it, looking startled. Boyd kept his eyes half-closed so his eye color could only vaguely be seen through his eyelashes; he'd almost forgotten that he didn't have the contacts in and tried to remember the few Spanish phrases he'd learned. "Me llamo Kadin. Ah... Sorry, that's almost all I know in Spanish. Except 'No hablo Español.'" Not that saying he didn't know how to speak Spanish was really necessary when he was clearly also speaking English.

"Hola," the man said back, looking at Sin quickly as if to question Boyd's presence. "I am Enrique. I watch this building." Enrique said something else to Sin in Spanish and Sin finally looked over his shoulder, giving the man a slightly impatient glance. He drawled something that sounded annoyed and waved a hand in the direction of the hallway as if telling the man that he had things under control.

Enrique shrugged, not seeming very concerned and pointed at the air conditioner, saying something else in his native language before nodding at Boyd and heading out of the room. Sin ignored him and didn't bother attempting to translate any of the conversation for Boyd. Sin's accent sounded different than Enrique's, but Boyd liked Sin's more. While the caretaker trilled out his words quickly and almost incomprehensibly to a non-fluent Spanish speaker, Sin drawled the language out almost lazily. His voice was low, deep and every syllable rolled off his tongue in a manner that rather seductive, even if he was unaware of it.

Boyd waited until Enrique's footsteps faded down the hallway before he walked over to Sin's side, closer than was necessary. He leaned over so that he could see more clearly what Sin was doing and was pleased to see that he was installing very sturdy-looking locks; a one-sided deadbolt, two additional double cylinder bolts, new steel butt hinges and a security strike plate with case-hardened screws. "What did Enrique say?" he asked quietly, lips brushing against Sin's ear.

Sin's hands froze for a moment and he turned his head slightly, looking at Boyd briefly before turning back to his work. There was a long hesitation as if he'd forgotten what he was supposed to be doing and the corners of his mouth turned down into a displeased frown. "He said he'd forgotten I had a roommate and that our air conditioner won't work for shit during the summer months."

Boyd leaned a little closer. "Oh." He tilted his head enough for his breath to warm Sin's skin and he watched Sin with eyes that looked almost golden in the morning light. "Will he be bringing us a new one?"

"No." The tension in Sin's shoulders was obvious, his muscles taut as he awkwardly began to drill the lock into the door again. He kept shifting and pausing, obviously distracted.

Inwardly, Boyd smirked, but he made sure his expression remained neutral. "Really?" He shifted nearer to Sin in the pretense of being heard over the drill. His t-shirt brushed against Sin's strong back and he could practically feel the energy and heat radiating from his body through the fabric. His eyes wandered over the tattoo on Sin's shoulder, the beads of sweat that slid down his back and disappeared into his low hanging jeans. "Why not?"

"Because it's no--fucking damn it," Sin swore and stopped drilling abruptly, realizing he'd been working in the wrong spot. He turned around entirely and glared at Boyd. "You made me fuck it up," He snapped and slammed the drill down on the floor, digging into his pocket to look for cigarettes and only finding that he'd finished his pack already. His full lips pursed tightly, dark eyebrows snapping together in annoyance as he flung the empty pack on the floor with an irritated grunt.

"What did I do?" Boyd asked, feigning a confused look. If Sin thought snapping at him was going to make him back off, he clearly was playing by the old rules. Now it just made Boyd more determined to toy with him; he wanted to see how much he could get under Sin's skin before he finally admitted his own attraction. He moved next to Sin and bent over, brushing against Sin's bare arms and torso as he went to grab the drill. His shirt was sticking to him by now and it was unbearably hot in the room, mostly because any cool air the AC had managed to generate had gone right out the open door. "I'll do it."

Sin yanked the drill out of his hand and made a face. "You can't even identify a pot-- why do you think you'd do any good with a drill?" Despite the comment, Sin's eyes didn't seem particularly mocking and a smirk managed to find its way onto his otherwise stony face. It seemed that he was trying to force himself to be mean to Boyd and was failing. "Go do something constructive."

Standing fully, Boyd raised an eyebrow with a smirk. He reached out and put his hand over Sin's on the drill in the pretense of pulling him closer. "Why don't you teach me, then?" he suggested mildly, ignoring Sin's last comment. "There's only one way to learn and that's hands on."

Sin blinked once, twice, and then his mouth fell open although no sound came out. His eyebrows drew together slightly and he stared at Boyd in what seemed to be relative confusion. This was one of those instances when it really did seem like Boyd was flirting with him. He closed his mouth but opened it again although he didn't really know what to say. He settled for clearing his throat nervously and dragging his eyes away from Boyd, wondering how the hell he'd gone through life killing and fighting fearlessly for so long and now this kid could make him feel like a flustered and confused teenager. Or what he assumed teenagers felt like when they were attracted to someone. "Go get me some cigarettes," He muttered finally, for lack of anything better to say.

Boyd watched him for a long moment, looking as if he was about to argue, but in the end he decided he had all day. He just inclined his head in a nod. "Alright. I need to pick up some things anyway." He strolled past Sin and brought his duffel bag with him into the bathroom. A few minutes passed before he reemerged in a dark green t-shirt with a picture of a pinwheel on it and white letters beneath that said simply, 'Blow me.' A pair of black shorts hung low on his hips but his shirt was long enough that no skin showed between. Wide black leather bands hid his wrists and a pair of sunglasses on top of his head held his hair away from his now dark blue eyes in a messy tangle.

Sin was no longer making any attempts to mess with the door. His eyes followed Boyd the entire time after he appeared from the bathroom and he was doing a very poor job of concealing that fact. He wiped his arm across his sweaty forehead, absently sucking on his lip ring as watched him lean over to dig through his duffel bag for something, Sin's eyes going up and down Boyd's long, toned legs. Although Boyd was tall and willowy, beneath all of the layers he'd previously hidden behind, his body was anything but feminine. Months of training and working in the field had hardened his body into well defined lines and the muscles in his arms and calves were in plain view for the first time since Sin had met him. It was hard to turn away, hard not to stare, and Sin found himself unable to stop. He didn't know why he was so attracted to Boyd, didn't know why he suddenly found the hard muscular lines of a man's body so intriguing; he'd never noticed anything like it before and not for the first time, he wondered if he'd have these same desires for any other men now that these strange urges had apparently awoken within him.

Not showing that he noticed Sin's stare, Boyd wandered over to his side once again. "Need anything else?" he asked calmly, bare arm sliding against Sin's as he stood within the other man's personal space.

Sin watched Boyd from under his bangs and shook his head silently.

Boyd stared into Sin's eyes for a long moment without saying anything. The time stretched around them, slowed by Monterrey's heat and the moment, until he smiled. "Good luck, then," he said lightly, pulling away just enough to place his hand on Sin's shoulder, squeezing slightly. "I expect the door to be finished when I return." His fingers tightened, his thumb rubbing briefly near Sin's collarbone, and it was with a lingering touch that he disappeared out the door.

---

The task took Boyd nearly an hour by the time he left, found a shop where he bought some items, and returned. The heat was intensifying by the day and many people seemed to be wearing fewer items of clothing than even earlier in the week. Boyd had not shown so much skin in public for years; he rarely wore anything but pants and a long-sleeved shirt even in the confines of his house. He would have worn the same thing even in Monterrey's heat if it wasn't against Kadin's character and if he would not have been terribly conspicuous doing so. He thought he could have handled it; for years, he'd worn the same clothing despite the temperature and it had given him a high tolerance to heat.

Letting the bag from the store thump against his legs, Boyd took the stairs two at a time to the third floor. While out, he'd decided to pick up a few extra items that they'd been needing or he thought they may need soon. When he turned down the hallway he saw that the door was shut firmly and seemed to hang in the frame better. He was prepared to shove against it but the door swung open perfectly, cleanly and silently. Impressed, he looked the door up and down then pushed it lightly and watched it swing shut on its own. He turned around and saw Sin sprawling on the couch reading the Neil Gaiman compilation he'd bought months ago, and noted that the rest of his books sat in a messy pile next to the sofa. Walking over to Sin's side, Boyd dropped the bag on the table and looked down at him; he was highly amused to note how studiously Sin was ignoring him. Boyd was certain that he was actually watching him from the corner of his eyes but was trying in vain to pretend that he wasn't.

Crouching down, Boyd put one finger on the top of the book and tugged it down just enough to grin at Sin over the edge. "I'm very impressed by the door," he told him. "Having it shut so easily makes up for you waking me so early today. I'd been intending to do something about it myself but I always found myself distracted."

Sin glanced at him and then let his gaze drop down to the pages of his book. "What else did you get?"

"Surprises," Boyd said mildly, his grin turning teasing.

"Why don't you take your ass to the kitchen and surprise me with some breakfast," Sin replied, still staring at the book.

Boyd's grin turned into an amused smirk. "So demanding today, Sin," he drawled, letting his hand casually drop to the couch near enough to touch Sin's thigh. "Anything else you want of me while we're at it?" His raised an eyebrow, voice lowering in a slightly suggestive manner. "Anything at all?"

Sin looked up at him finally and their eyes locked. He absently swept his tongue over his lip ring and sucked it into his mouth, fingers tightening around his book. "No," He said softly, eyes slightly narrowed in something akin to suspicion.

Gaze drifting down to Sin's lips, Boyd murmured, "If you're sure..."

Sin looked away again and it seemed as though he were having increasing difficulty with the task. "Just give me my cigarettes, Boyd," He said in a voice that was stiff and slightly strained.

"I don't know," Boyd said idly. "Seeing you with that book makes me want to read too. We certainly have plenty here." He looked over at the pile of books, seemingly pulling ones out at random. "I always wanted to look through this one more," he set the Baby Animals book to the side, "or there's always..." He pulled out the typical bodice-ripper romance novel and started flipping through it idly, looking up to watch Sin over the cover. His tone was completely casual when he asked, "How many times did you read this one?"

Sin's eyes flicked up briefly and he gave a one shouldered shrug. "A couple of times. I was amazed that something so trite could be published and paid for by a large audience."

Boyd made a light, noncommittal noise. "There are those who enjoy it." He set the romance novel down and pulled another book from the pile. The gay erotica book Boyd had initially bought as a joke appeared just as well thumbed-through as the others. He held it up, his fingers splayed across the cover, his eyes tracking Sin's every movement as he asked quietly, "What about this one?"

There was a low sigh and for a moment Sin didn't even look up, as though he were growing impatient with Boyd's refusal to just leave him be. He didn't want to be distracted by Boyd, he didn't even want to talk to Boyd at the moment; he wanted to stare at the pages in front of him and forget the confusing jumble of thoughts that Boyd always inspired. Long fingers curled around the book and his gaze rose slowly before focusing on the book that Boyd held. His lips pressed together and he met Boyd's gaze for an instant before looking down again. "I read it."

He waited a moment for Sin to say more but when he just stared at the Neil Gaiman compilation, Boyd asked, "What did you think?"

Sin refused to look up although it was obvious that he was no longer actually reading. He offered another one-shouldered shrug, his movements stiff and uncomfortable as he shifted on the sofa. "I found it odd."

"Really?" Boyd turned the book around and studied the cover as if wondering why Sin would think so. The angle he held the book at just happened to emphasize the cover picture of two men kissing. "How so?"

Another bout of silence as Sin's gaze briefly rose to focus on the image before dropping again. "I found it unnecessary for individuals to engage in such a large amount of sexual encounters."

Boyd started flipping through the book slowly, shifting to a more comfortable position and incidentally bringing himself closer to Sin. His elbow rested on the seat near Sin's thigh and the heat of their bodies could be felt between them. "Is that so?" he said idly, stopping a few places to skim, knowing that Sin probably was referring to the fact that the book was nothing but erotic short stories. He chose to interpret it a different way and he looked up at Sin with eyes that seemed especially intense despite his languid pose. "I seem to recall that most of them fuck only once or twice in the stories. Did we read the same book?"

Another stiff shrug. "If you consider people 'fucking' twice in the same twenty minutes necessary, than I suppose you would not think it odd. You seem more knowledgeable with the details of the book than I do, so there is no need to further question me about its contents."

"Hmm, but it's been so long that I can't remember it all," Boyd murmured a little absently. He flipped to a random page and stopped, skimming the words. "What was your favorite scene?"

Sin's mouth twitched and he glared down at his book in relative annoyance. What the hell was Boyd trying to do here? Why couldn't he leave him alone and go read the book on his side of the room if he was so fascinated by it? The last thing Sin needed was to start rambling on about a book which focused on graphic, homosexual sex. If he was completely honest, he'd admit that it was after Boyd had given him the book that his mind had really begun to warp. After reading such vivid descriptions of men touching each other it hadn't been difficult to put himself and his partner in place of those characters and his mind had done so almost without his consent. His original surprise and annoyance by that had quickly changed into a regular occurrence whenever he read the book and had usually led to him feverishly masturbating in the new, camera-free haven that his apartment had become. "I didn't put that much thought into it," He lied flatly.

"Maybe you should have," Boyd said, looking up at Sin in a manner that let his gaze move along his body. He shifted so that his arm was pressed against Sin's thigh and his voice dropped a little lower, more intimate. "Didn't you want me to read it to you before? We have plenty of time now, if you want." He let his voice trail off meaningfully.

Another long pause. "That is unnecessary. The time has passed."

Boyd smiled, something making his eyes spark just a bit in an unreadable emotion as he watched Sin closely. He tilted his head and let his gaze slide down to the book again. "No, I don't think it has," he muttered, flipping forward in the book to stop on another random page. The smile became a slight smirk. "I can read you this scene. It's the one where Justin found Terrence waiting for him when he got home. He called out to him from the bedroom and when Justin turned the corner, he could see Terrence lying on the bed. It says, 'Justin feasted his eyes on his lover, from the slick, bare skin of his toned torso to the single fold of sheet that covered his erection, the only piece of cloth on his otherwise naked body. Justin nearly groaned and started to shed his clothing piece by piece as he stalked closer, feeling his cock swe—'"

Before he could continue, Sin snatched the book away. "I said," He began in a low, warning tone, "That is unnecessary."

"I don't think it is." Boyd reached out and pulled on the book.

Sin glowered at him in irritation and jerked it back towards him with more force than was necessary. Boyd refused to let go and the result was Sin sprawling back against the sofa with Boyd falling practically on top of him. Sin was far too aware of the proximity of Boyd's face to his, of the way one of Boyd hands remained gripped on the book in his lap as the other splayed on the wall behind his head and mostly the fact that Boyd was now crouched between his legs. Sin grit his teeth and lowered his eyebrows in a dark glare. "Boyd. Stop it."

"But it was getting to the good part," Boyd said, his voice dropping a little lower. He looked down at Sin's silver lip ring, studying the dull glint off the metal, the way it disappeared between Sin's full lips, the sight making his eyes fall half-shut. "Think of it from the other side. As he lay there waiting for him, he'd been obsessing about what it would feel like, the memories of their bodies pressed against each other, the way their groans disappeared into each other's mouth—"

"Stop," Sin repeated, but this time his voice was fainter and the glare seemed to melt into an expression that was difficult to categorize. His lips were parted and his breath seemed to be coming slightly faster as his eyes focused on the mouth that was relating the vivid, sexual tale. He swallowed hard, eyes closing briefly as he ignored the way the crotch of his pants began to get a little tighter, the way Boyd's breath felt against his face.

Boyd continued as if he hadn't heard Sin. "—the grinding of their erections against each other. He'd already masturbated before his lover arrived, he couldn't wait for the touch, but when he saw him in the doorway he knew that it would pale in comparison." Sin stared at him, unable to look away. Boyd slid his hand away from Sin's lap, let his fingers trail along his chest slowly upward as his voice grew increasingly husky. "Their breath was hot against each other, their bodies craving each other's touch. He moaned loudly, jerked his hips up against his lover, feeling those lips hot and desperate against his skin, those fingers sliding against him, yanking him closer, unable to stop."

Sin shook his head and shifted but Boyd ignored it. His fingers slid up to Sin's jaw then stopped at his slightly parted lips; he let his thumb press lightly against the lip ring, playing with the metal hoop, moving his lower lip down a little further. He didn't look away from Sin's mouth as he licked his own lips and kept speaking, his voice low and intense, painting far too vivid of pictures in Sin's mind. "Just that single bit of sheet between them was almost enough torture on its own, but it wasn't until he heard his name groaned against his ear and fingers slid down his back, moving around behind him, that he knew for certain he was about to get fucked—"

A shudder went through Sin's body and he swallowed hard, hot breath puffing out as Boyd's thumb slid across his lip. The only thing covering the fact that he was extremely hard was the Neil Gaiman book which still sat haphazardly on his lap. He didn't take his eyes off Boyd's mouth, couldn't bring himself to look away, but when he found himself unconsciously leaning forward to taste the lips that were forming the obscene words, he realized what he was doing and jerked back stiffly. His eyebrows drew together and he shook himself, returning to his previous glower as he placed an open palm against Boyd's chest and pushed him back firmly. "I said stop it. Just--" He closed his eyes again, trying to calm his quickly beating heart and erase the images that the description had burned into his brain. "Just go fucking make breakfast or something."

Boyd waited a breath, letting the weight of his body press Sin's hand closer to the right side of his chest, away from the thundering of his heart. His eyes remained half-closed and still focused on Sin's lips, before he dragged his gaze up to meet Sin's dark glare. There was something intense in Boyd's expression, something that showed he knew exactly what he'd been doing to Sin and had continued anyway. He let one palm rest over Sin's hand against his chest and for a moment it was unclear what he was going to do; his fingers slid between Sin's, the feel of their bare skin touching as distracting as the way Boyd's lips stretched into a slow smirk, but then he shifted and drew his chest away from Sin's palm. His fingers trailed along Sin's hand as he stood with an expression that was hard to read. He tilted his head forward in assent, saying only, "Alright," before he turned and headed to the kitchen.

Sin's eyes narrowed and he stared at Boyd's retreating back with an expression that was partially attracted and partially confused, but mostly angry. His hands curled into fists and he took a long, deep breath as he shook his head slowly. It was painfully obvious to him that Boyd was fucking with his head and that he was having a grand time in the process. He didn't know when it'd become obvious that he was attracted to Boyd-- he hadn't done a very good job of hiding it a moment ago-- but he didn't appreciate Boyd playing games with him because of it. Something in him recoiled at the fact that he was apparently so transparent and another part of him seethed that Boyd would go so far as to toy with him in such a manner. But at the same time... at the same time, somewhere deep inside of him he wondered if it was something else, something more.

Although Boyd wasn't facing Sin anymore, he could feel that intense gaze burning into his back as he stood in front of the fridge. He didn't say anything when he heard the books drop to the floor and didn't turn even as he felt Sin's presence silently coming closer to him. He didn't do anything until Sin was standing right behind him, body slightly pressed against him as one of Sin's hands rested against the closed freezer door. "Why are you doing this to me?" Sin demanded softly, speaking directly into Boyd's ear.

A tingle went all the way down Boyd's spine and his stomach warmed. He tilted his head just enough for his hair to brush Sin's lips. "Doing what?" he murmured.

Sin's arm slid around Boyd's waist and his hand clasped his opposite hip, pressing their bodies firmly together. "Showing off for me."

Boyd could feel Sin's erection pressing into his lower back, his breath warm and quick against his hair. He couldn't answer for a moment; Sin felt too good against him and the possessive arm crossing his stomach should have bothered him because it was touching his torso, but it didn't, not the way he would have expected. From the angle Sin held him there was no way he could hide that he was getting hard as well, so he didn't even bother trying.

Turning his head more, he placed his hand on top of Sin's at his hip and tightened his fingers. "Tell me what I'm doing to you," he said softly.

"You know what you're doing to me," Sin snapped, voice a low growl. His breath hissed out softly and he clutched Boyd, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. "Why are you playing games with me? Is it funny for you?"

"No, it's not funny." Boyd felt just a little guilty if Sin thought he was making fun of him. He turned his head enough to see Sin's eyes, his fingers tightening against his hand. "I like to see your emotions," he said honestly. "I can't help wanting more of that."

Sin slammed the fridge door shut and spun Boyd around, pushing him against it. He looked frustrated and confused, eyebrows drawn together as his eyes flashed. The raw emotion in his expression gave him a slightly wild look and he closed his eyes briefly as if trying to calm down. "You just don't get it."

Boyd watched him, unperturbed by the changed positions. "What don't I get?" he asked, actually wanting to know. "Stop trying to pull it all back in, just tell me."

Sin couldn't say what he wanted to say; he couldn't tell Boyd that all he'd wanted for the past few months was to touch him, to experience things he'd never experienced before with him; that all of Boyd's games to get reactions out of him were frustrating and hurtful because of that. He wanted to tell Boyd but the words wouldn't come out. He couldn't explain, couldn't say the words, couldn't even really find them even though for the first time in his life he knew exactly what he was feeling. The frustration was so built up inside him that he felt like overwhelmed; he grit his teeth tightly, shaking his head in aggravation as his grip tightened. The past several months rushed through his mind, a dizzying whirlwind that agitated him further as it all built up dangerously until everything he felt and wanted but couldn't say erupted from within him in the only way he could ever fully express himself; physically.

His eyes snapped open and he stared down at Boyd for barely a second before yanking him forward almost violently and crushing their lips together desperately. Boyd let out a half-moan and returned the kiss just as intensely and for that instant it almost seemed like he'd been waiting for Sin to have exactly that reaction. The world zeroed in on the feel of their lips moving feverishly against each other and Boyd pulled Sin closer, pressing their bodies together tightly as Sin pinned him against the fridge and tangled long fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.

The kiss was slightly reminiscent of the one in France; it had the same sloppy, desperate quality but the only difference this time was that Sin's breath did not taste like alcohol and he was entirely in his right mind. His free hand slid down Boyd's back before cupping his ass and squeezing it hard, using his grip to crush their lower bodies together even tighter, causing Boyd's eyes to slide shut as he groaned into Sin's mouth. One of Boyd's hands slid down to Sin's lower back as the other gripped a shoulder almost painfully, both of their hearts beating out of control as hypersensitive skin brushed together with every movement that was made. For that moment the heat, the mission, the miscommunication and confusion-- none of it mattered. The only thing that did matter was the way his erection ground against Sin's hard muscles, how it felt to run his tongue against Sin's lips, silently begging for entrance.

Full lips parted and Boyd's tongue slid inside, massaging Sin's in a manner that made Sin's grip on him tighten violently. His hands skittered up and down Boyd's back frantically, wanting to touch everywhere at once but not really knowing what to do. Their tongues clashed, low moans and throaty whispers of breath escaping lips that refused to part for more than a brief second as their hips began to grind together wantonly. A low swear, a soft grunt and their lower bodies began slamming against each other as they continued to kiss with an almost frantic passion. Sin's eyebrows drew together as his heart pounded in his chest and the hot streak of pleasure that seemed to radiate from his incredibly hard dick went through his body and woke him from the fog of lust that he was in.

Unnaturally brown eyes snapped open and he froze, almost exactly as he'd done with Jess, but this time it was because of a numbing fear that came with the realization of what was happening and the memory of what had happened before. He yanked away from Boyd, stumbling backwards slightly even as he stared down with eyes wild with untamed passion and lips that were wet and swollen from Boyd's kisses. "Fuck," He uttered, dropping his hands as though they'd been burned even as Boyd reached for him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-- You don't..." He trailed off and swallowed hard, watching with wide eyes as Boyd grabbed his hand and pulled it toward the obvious erection between his legs.

"Fuck that," Boyd growled, pressing Sin's hand against his body firmly, proof that he wanted it just as badly as Sin did. He let out a low, shuddering breath and dropped his head back against the freezer door, his eyes sliding shut and wet lips dropping open. The slight pressure on his cock was a delicious tease that could be so much better if Sin just gave them the chance. He didn't know what the hell he was going to do if it turned out Sin only liked the idea of sex with him but couldn't handle the actual physical part of it. He needed Sin, needed to touch him, needed to be touched by him. He was like a black hole that was sucking Boyd in and Boyd couldn't-- wouldn't stop it. "Maybe you didn't," he panted, opening his eyes to watch Sin's startled expression through his eyelashes. "But I did. Don't leave me like this, Sin, let me be with you. Please." It came out as a needy breath of a word but he didn't care.

His grip on Sin's hand tightened and Sin allowed his fingers to graze against the bulge slowly, hesitantly, even as he shook his head in denial and swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing convulsively. His expression was a picture of shock, confusion, even suspicion as he tried to pull his hand away and began to back off. He stared at Boyd with narrowed eyes as Boyd shook his head helplessly and refused to release his hand even if he let it move away from his body. "You said I scared you. I thought you wanted it before and-- and then you didn't and it got all fucked up."

"I was only scared because you didn't stop when I said no and I didn't know what I wanted." Boyd pushed himself away from the fridge and stood right in front of Sin, searching his eyes almost desperately while his fingers tightened on Sin's hand. "I want to now, though."

Dragging his eyes away from Sin's surprised gaze, he focused on his chest, letting go of his hand to almost hesitantly touch Sin's chest. The pressure from his fingers was light, distracting as his hands slid down to rest at Sin's side, just below the ribs. Sin said nothing and didn't touch him again but Boyd didn't let go, he looked up at the fake, darkening brown eyes and brought their bodies together again. Sin's mouth opened slightly but he didn't stop him, didn't speak, so Boyd let his hair cover his expression a moment as he leaned in and licked slowly near Sin's nipple, enjoying the taste before he turned it into a kiss with light suction. He could feel Sin shudder against him even as he pulled back just enough to whisper hotly against feverish skin, "Let me touch you." Another open-mouthed kiss in the center of Sin's muscular chest and a whispered, "Can I?", before he pulled back just enough to see Sin's eyes. "Please?"

There was no response but the look in Sin's eyes could only be described as needy, hungry. His mouth was hanging open slightly, breath coming hard and fast as he stared down at his partner as if he wanted to devour him. But he didn't say anything, he neither gave his consent nor told Boyd to stop. Still, there was tension in his broad shoulders and he seemed paranoid, confused. He backed up again, eyes wide and slightly unfocused, erection obvious even in his baggy jeans as Boyd followed the movement and refused to let him get too far. He waited a breath, hands still on Sin, eyes still locked, and when Sin didn't push him away or move, he took that as momentary consent, resuming the slow, open-mouthed kisses down Sin's chest. He knelt slowly as his hands slid down Sin's sides and rested at the top of his jeans.

"Tell me no if I should stop," Boyd murmured against the flat, toned stomach. Sin didn't respond, only stared down at him through long black eyelashes. Boyd's fingers brushed Sin's skin lightly as they moved toward the button of his pants where he paused and looked up again with smoldering eyes. "If you don't, I'll think you mean yes." He slowly popped the button open on Sin's jeans, waiting for a sign.

Still Sin did not respond. He continued to gaze down at him silently, leaning back against the counter as he gripped it tightly. His full lips were parted, breath coming in low, shallow pants, causing his chest to heave from the effort. His tongue swept out quickly, moistening lips that were suddenly too dry; his fingers curled around the counter even tighter, causing a slight cracking sound to emanate from the cheap wood as Boyd smiled up at him seductively before dropping unnaturally blue eyes to the slender hands poised at the waist of Sin's jeans. He didn't seem to be rushing the moment, almost appeared to be reveling in the fact that he was touching Sin and that he wasn't being pushed away. His lips curled up slightly as he began unzipping the ragged jeans and Sin's eyes shuttered closed briefly, breath hitching slightly as fingers ghosted beneath the fabric and slid across his hips, pushing his jeans down below his ass.

The faded, threadbare jeans slid down slowly, exposing strong thighs and gray boxer-briefs that barely concealed a large erection straining against the cotton rebelliously. Boyd paused again, staring at the image before him with an almost ravenous look on his face as he let his hands rest on Sin's hips, thumbs idly sliding beneath the waistband of the gray briefs and rubbing slow circles against Sin's skin. He pulled back just enough to look up at Sin fully and locked gazes with the silent man again. "One last time," he breathed in a voice that was low and hoarse. "Tell me if you don't want this."

Sin's grip on the counter was so hard that his knuckles whitened as he gazed down at Boyd. He started to speak but only a slightly hoarse sound came out; he closed his eyes again briefly, erection throbbing almost painfully as Boyd's fingers continued to tease his skin. He finally shook his head and opened eyes that were dark with lust as he whispered, "Don't stop."

"I won't," Boyd promised with that same slow smile, turning his full attention to what he was doing now that he had Sin's consent. His heart was a resounding thunder in his chest and his skin felt hot to the touch; he hadn't done this for years, but he knew what he was doing.

Boyd pushed the hem down on the sides, watching hungrily as Sin's pubic hair was revealed before his erection sprang free, and kept pushing until the underwear circled his upper thighs. He'd always known that Sin was large but now that his cock was right before Boyd's eyes, unable to look away as his stomach clenched in anticipation. He wanted to taste Sin more than anything, wanted to lick up and down that swollen cock and trace the protruding veins with his tongue. His hands slid along Sin's skin; he was smooth over the hard muscles and just the touch of him, just the sight of him, was making Boyd so hard he wondered if he'd even make it through this. All the fantasies that had been building up over time had given him plenty of material he could finally act on.

Leaning forward, Boyd inhaled Sin's musky scent and ran his tongue along the length of his erection, teasing the tip and flicking at the drop of salty pre-come that trickled out. Sin's eyes rolled back in his head and he shuddered, stomach quaking as Boyd's fingers dug into his hips. He was much larger than Boyd remembered Lou being and when he finally wrapped his lips around the swollen, purple head, it took him a moment to adjust. Sin's fingers curled, jerked up to dig into Boyd's soft red hair, tangling in the strands desperately as Sin groaned loudly. Boyd's lips curled into a pleased smirk as he slid his mouth down Sin's large, pulsing cock and slowly dragged it back up. Eyes falling half-shut, he pushed forward again, his mouth wet and hot; a slow torture for Sin's frazzled nerves.

Hoarse obscenities fell from Sin's mouth, "Oh fuck... Oh fucking Christ." The feeling of soft, wet lips wrapping around his dick was something he'd never experienced, something he'd never begun to even try imagining. It was indescribable and his mouth dropped open as he began to moan completely unabashedly, making it impossible for Boyd to stay at the same slow pace as he listened to the incredibly sexy sounds. His fingers itched to wrap around his own aching erection but he couldn't bring himself to take his hands off of Sin. He was like a drug for Boyd; he wanted more of him, wanted to see, experience, taste and feel every bit of him.

Fingers tightened hard against Sin's hips and as Boyd bobbed his head and slid his mouth up and down faster, he kept his gaze riveted up to Sin's face. He felt the knot in his stomach clench, felt semen begin to ooze from the tip of his own arousal while he watched Sin's expressions change as he appeared to lose more control of himself. Breathless pants mingled with throaty groans and when Sin began jerking his hips forward, thrusting as his fingers dug into Boyd's hair tighter, he began moaning in Mandarin. By that point Sin couldn't think straight, he couldn't comprehend anything other than the feel of his cock going in and out of Boyd's wet mouth. His eyes squeezed shut and he braced himself against the counter, fucking Boyd's mouth faster as white hot pleasure spread throughout his body and coiled in his stomach. He rocked his hips, instinctively going with Boyd's movements as he mumbled incoherently.

Boyd could not help a muffled moan as he listened to the sounds Sin was making, allowed his mouth to be fucked with abandon. It was enough to make his stomach ache with pleasure, his blood run hot and fast. At that moment, more than anything else, he just wanted Sin to feel good, wanted him to feel so amazing that he made more of those noises, that he couldn't think about anything but pleasure. One hand slid down Sin's side, trailing along the nasty scar from the aborted attempt at castration, and he began rubbing his fingers along Sin's balls. He cupped them in his hand, massaging them gently and was only encouraged by the way Sin arched against him and the fact that through the mumbled, excited moans, Boyd's name fell from his lips.

Dark eyebrows arched up and Sin let his head drop back, panting open mouthed as he began to thrust his hips wantonly. Every muscle in his body was tensing up, clenching, as that hot feeling began to build in his gut. His moans grew louder, more frequent, and soft swears escaped his mouth as he thrust more quickly. "Fuck," He hissed, fingers guiding Boyd's head as he fucked his mouth faster. "I...I'm-- Oh God--" He moaned loudly, overwhelmed by the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced.

The timbre of his voice was sexy, intense, and went straight to Boyd's core but he hardly had time to think about it before Sin came explosively in his mouth. Boyd swallowed immediately and closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel and taste, on not missing anything while his fingers absently continued to play with Sin's balls. Sin pressed against him, lost to his orgasm even as his hands tightened on Boyd. When Boyd finally pulled away it was with a lingering slide of his mouth, and he only stopped touching him when Sin sagged to the floor. Drawing back, Boyd braced one hand on the floor to keep himself upright, panting heavily as he found his attention split between his own untouched arousal and not looking way from Sin, who slumped against the counter's side, looking dazed.

His eyes focused on Boyd and his expression was... strange. There were so many emotions in them that it was hard to pick out just one but the result was raw, powerful and incredibly beautiful. His mind was reeling from the experience, from the sheer knowledge of what Boyd had just done. Sin had never felt that good before; had never had anyone else touch him before. Boyd stared back at him, looking a little as though he was reeling as well. His expression was lost to the reaction of Sin's aftermath and his own unresolved lust, his skin a little flushed, lips parted, and hair disheveled from where Sin's hand had gripped him. Although he was watching Sin with dark eyes, he seemed slightly dazed and not entirely aware of the situation as he was still caught by Sin's overpowering, open expression.

Sin's breathing began to even out and he sat up straight, dragging Boyd closer to him, eyes focused on Boyd's wet lips. He didn't know what he wanted to do to Boyd, he didn't even begin to understand how to return the favor, he didn't even know what Boyd would prefer. All he did know was that he wanted to touch Boyd and now he knew that he could. He leaned forward and kissed Boyd again, tasting his own semen on Boyd's lips and not giving a damn. This time his kiss was not hesitant; it was passionate and his tongue explored Boyd's mouth thoroughly, causing Boyd's eyes to slide closed and a low muffled moan to escape him.

Boyd was drowning in the feel and taste of his partner, was feeling it escalate, making his already hard erection pulse. He was nearly overwhelmed by the passion he could feel in Sin at that moment and responded with a hungry sort of desperation, wanting to feel and taste as much of him as he could. One hand reached up, tangled in Sin's unruly hair and held him closer so that he could deepen the kiss, the feel of the lip ring pressing to his lips in the manner he had been imagining since he'd first seen his disguise. Half-moans and caught breath from each of them disappeared into the other's mouth while his other hand clumsily unfastened his shorts just enough to free himself from his briefs.

With his fingers closing around his own erection, Boyd could feel his own heartbeat and breath quicken. The kiss turned sloppy, wet, as he panted and groaned into Sin's mouth, pulling closer with one hand as he ran his other quickly over his painfully erect dick. Sin crouched before him, pants tangled around his thighs as he cupped the back of Boyd's head and worshiped his mouth in a way that made it obvious that it would not take long for Boyd to come. He stood no chance against the fresh memory of Sin's moans and expression as he fucked his mouth, or the way his tongue was searing into him now as if Sin was trying to absorb his very soul. He was overwhelmed by Sin, and he couldn't imagine anything better at that moment.

Their lips ripped apart finally, both of them gasping for air as Boyd moaned desperately, fist flying over his erection. Sin watched with a fascinated look on his face, eyes dropping to Boyd's dick before rising to take in the lost, ecstatic expression on his face. Sin wet his lips again, breath coming fast and he leaned forward for another hungry kiss as heat rushed through Boyd's veins and centered in his stomach; an especially desperate sound was muffled by the all-encompassing warmth of Sin's mouth, and Boyd moaned so loudly it was nearly a helpless shout when he came. The kiss did not end even as Boyd's orgasm wiped his mind clear of thought; if anything, he deepened it with a wild sort of hunger.

Their moans and harsh breathing were the only sound in the room until Boyd pulled away from the kiss finally, his forehead dropping against Sin's shoulder as he let Sin take most of his weight. He was breathing heavily, eyes closed and breath hot, body feeling completely sated. There were no words that came to mind so he just slid his hand from the nape of Sin's neck and rested it there, let his other arm loosely encircle Sin until he was half leaning on him.

They sat there silently for several long moments, the only sound in the room their loud, uneven breathing. Sin's face was slightly downcast, hair hiding most of his expression although his gaze was locked on Boyd. After awhile his eyes closed briefly as he swallowed hard and exhaled slowly as though he were trying to regain his bearings or at least some semblance of mental order as he absently pulled up his jeans. After awhile he reached out almost hesitantly and pushed the hair out of Boyd's face, the touch making Boyd's eyes slide open lazily. Sin's gaze was intense and searching as he tilted Boyd's chin up so that he could look directly into his eyes. "Why did you do that?" He asked, voice quiet and still slightly hoarse.

Boyd watched him quietly, not able to answer at first. Even if he knew Sin was attracted to him, even if he hadn't said no, some part of him was still a little afraid that he would do something wrong, that he would mess this up and they would be cold toward each other again. But he was tired of half-truths. He took a moment to shift just enough to pull his clothes back on, partially because it was uncomfortable and being half-naked would not make this conversation any easier, and partially to give himself time to get his thoughts together. "I've wanted to for awhile," he said finally, quietly.

Sin stared at him, surprise evident on his face even as he narrowed his eyes slightly in something that looked vaguely like skepticism. "Why? Since when?"

Boyd shook his head once. "I'm not certain. Months, probably." Without really thinking about it, he absently ran one hand down Sin's thigh.

"How many months? When?" Sin's eyes followed the movements of Boyd's hand and his face remained unreadable, something about him staying slightly guarded.

Noting Sin's gaze, Boyd realized he could not read Sin's expression. Even if he couldn't tell what he was thinking, Sin's muscles were tense beneath his touch, making him feel that for the moment it was unwanted. His fingers stilled and, self-conscious, he pulled his hand away to push hair out of his eyes with a sigh. "I don't know," he said honestly. "It's been... bits at a time. It all came together after... I helped you out of the box." He paused, watching Sin closely. "Why? How... long for you?"

"I don't know," Sin said vaguely, rubbing the back of his neck and looking apprehensive. His reaction was strange; he should have been thrilled with the fact that Boyd apparently wanted him, but there was still a part of him that was cautious. After all, he still didn't know exactly what that meant. He didn't even know what his own attraction meant. He didn't know exactly what to say or how to explain himself. All of the advice his father had ever given him was pushing to the forefront of his mind; all the times his father had told him never to make himself vulnerable, not to admit things that could be used against him later... it was demanding he shut his mouth and not explain anything at all.

He grimaced slightly and sat up straight with his back pressed against the counter as he stared at the floor blankly. He had almost decided not to answer honestly. He'd almost decided to allow Boyd to believe that this was a random occurrence that had spawned from the heat and freedom that came with this so-called assignment and that it wasn't nearly as flooring as it actually was. Then Boyd wouldn't know that he had been struggling with this near obsession for months. But despite the fact that he cringed at the idea of exposing himself so entirely, he didn't like the idea of possibly causing yet another long string of tension and miscommunication now that they were finally at a comfortable place in their partnership, friendship or whatever the hell they were to each other now.

That very thought was enough to confuse him even further though. He wasn't entirely sure how to handle the fact that they'd just been intimate. He'd never been intimate with anyone before and he had no idea what he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to act, how he was supposed to get across that he possibly wanted it to happen again. He'd thought that once he had Boyd, once he finally got the pent up sexual frustration out of his system, that he'd become sated and go back to his former behavior. But it was obvious that it wouldn't be the case. Even now that Boyd had just caused him to have an intense, mind blowing orgasm, his eyes still absently wandered over his partner's body appreciatively, picturing other things that they could do together. But he wasn't about to mention that. He was very aware that Boyd had more experience than him in this department and that only added to his discomfort.

He chewed on his lip ring and stared at Boyd, eyes slightly narrowed. Piled on top of his insecurity was confusion-- why did Boyd even want him? He'd hurt Boyd, tried to kill him, had killed a number of men in front of him-- how could Boyd see him as something desirable after all that? His confusion caused him to become doubtful and that doubt made him awkward, distant. Finally he realized that he'd never actually answered Boyd's question and settled for matter of fact honesty. "Since November."

Boyd had just come to the conclusion that Sin wasn't going to reply but when he did, the answer was so startling that Boyd stared at him in disbelief, thinking he must have heard incorrectly. But he ran the sentence through his mind again and it hadn't changed, hadn't become any less impossible. "Since -- Really?" He sounded as surprised as he felt. It was... staggering to him that between the two of them, Sin would be the first to want the other. November was... early. They'd barely known each other at that time and Boyd didn't remember thinking about Sin as anyone other than his partner and someone wrongfully accused of being inhuman, a monster. He'd felt protective of him, and it was true that he'd found himself getting guiltily lulled by watching him on the live feed once in awhile, but anything more had not occurred to him seriously. "Then..." Boyd said, trying to understand but mostly just feeling bewildered. "Why? I didn't do anything to... warrant you wanting me."

"You didn't have to do anything," Sin replied with a one-shouldered shrug, dropping his eyes again and going back to studying the concrete floor. "I don't know why it started or how. All I know is..." He trailed off for a moment, looking mildly self-conscious as he raised a hand and began rubbing his jaw idly. "I was intrigued by you from the moment I saw your interview. I couldn't figure out why and it gradually led to my behavior changing towards you. At first... I realized I did not want you to die." He raised an eyebrow as he continued. "And then... I realized I wanted to protect you. And then I became very possessive of you, or perhaps, the idea of you. I am still not precisely sure what any of that means."

Boyd opened his mouth to reply but realized he had no idea what to say so he just stared at him again, feeling rather shocked. If he had been listening to Ryan all along then this should not have been surprising. But actually hearing the progression come from Sin's mouth made it seem somehow... more real. Even so, he hadn't -- still didn't-- known what to think. The idea of Sin feeling protective, even possessive, made something in his stomach clench in pleasure. He hadn't actually been wanted for years, hadn't been protected by anything more than radiation shields and the occasional allowance that his mother had given him. The fact that another person noticed his presence and was willing to actively try to keep him around... It was something that warmed Boyd, making him feel a little special.

But... 'the idea' of him? Boyd's gaze unconsciously slid away in thought. If even Sin didn't know what that meant, Boyd certainly wouldn't be able to properly interpret it. But it didn't seem necessarily good. Liking the idea of him, feeling possessive of it, did that mean he'd never felt protective of Boyd himself? All along, had he just wanted to keep around one of the few people who treated him differently? Was it only Boyd's actions that attracted Sin and not actually Boyd? The thought was mildly disturbing but Boyd didn't care to dwell on it. He also didn't particularly want that comment clarified; the situation was already confusing enough without adding anything to it. "Oh," he said finally, unable to think of a good response. There was nothing rude about his simple answer to Sin's longer explanation; he was just at a loss for words.

Sin stared at Boyd intently from under his bangs, continuing to chew on his lip ring as he studied the other man; the strange tension that was building between them was not lost to him. After awhile he raised his hand and brushed it tentatively against Boyd's cheek, although he wasn't really sure why he did it. The touch made Boyd look over at him and stare back but there was something almost awkward about Sin's movements, as though he wasn't really sure how to act or what to say, and Boyd's expression didn't really give him any clues either way. In the end, Sin settled for dropping his hand and got to his feet. "So are you ever going to make me breakfast?" The topic change was sudden and it clearly signaled the fact that he no longer wanted to discuss their mutual attraction or anything relating to it for one reason or another.

Boyd found himself brushing his fingers against his cheek where he could still feel the lingering echo of Sin's touch but he made his hand keep moving until he pushed hair out of his eyes. He didn't answer at first, inclining his head in a nod as he stood, turning his back on Sin so that he could head to the other counter. The floor was a little sticky as he passed and he absently noted that it was probably due to his semen. He stopped at the counter and somehow the casual way that explanation had occurred to him and what that meant fully hit him.

They'd just been intimate in a way he hadn't thought would ever happen. After months of being hesitant to touch Sin at all, he'd just kissed down his chest and wrapped his lips around his dick. Of course, Boyd had wanted something like that to happen and it wasn't like he'd been unaware of what was happening at the time but somehow the significance hadn't really settled in his mind until now, as if he'd been in shock. The surprise was almost staggering. He couldn't even comprehend what sort of step this would mean in their interaction; but, mingling with disbelief, he definitely felt hope that it would happen again.

Sin was acting strangely, though, which made it difficult for Boyd to know if he was regretting it or just too surprised himself to really know how to react. It made Boyd rather unsure of himself; he'd known since the night before that Sin was at least interested in him sexually but he had no idea what he thought now that they'd actually come together in that way. He decided the best thing to do was just to act normal; after all, he'd definitely been the one to initiate this so if he seemed awkward as well it would probably be confusing. He looked over his shoulder, realizing he had been silent for a breath, and said wryly, "If you're so insistent then at least tell me your preferences. What do you want? No guarantees, of course, that I'll even know how to make it."

Sin stood behind the counter, looking almost distant as he stared into space. He looked at Boyd distractedly and ran his fingers through his hair, shrugging. "Oh, I don't know."

Boyd watched him sidelong then turned with an amiable shrug of one shoulder and busied himself with trying to make some omelets. He was fairly certain that just involved eggs and... heating them. And probably putting stuff inside. Sin's words from earlier drifted through his mind as he tried to figure out what pan or pot he wanted for this. Looking over his shoulder, he raised an eyebrow. "You know," he drawled in an attempt to lighten the mood a little, "If you know so much about pots and pans, maybe you should cook instead."

Sin looked at him blankly, as if the comment hadn't properly registered; the moment stretched for a long time and turned into an awkward silence.

Boyd turned around fully and he gave Sin a strange look. Acting nonchalant wasn't going to work if Sin was determined to act oddly towards him from now on. He was already paranoid about Sin's silence but now he almost felt irritated by it since he was making a conscious effort to behave normally and his partner apparently had no intentions of returning the favor. "...Are you always this charming after a morning blow-job or am I just lucky?"

Sin blinked at him, eyebrows rising. "I don't know. That was my first blow-job."

Boyd blinked. "Really," and it was more a statement than a question. He watched him skeptically. "What did all of your other partners do?"

Sin's eyebrows drew together and he gave Boyd a mildly confused look. "What other partners? What are you talking about?"

That just bewildered Boyd. "Your other..." He stared at Sin. "The other people you've slept with."

He gave Boyd a strange look. "What? I've never had sex with anyone before."

A long moment of silence met the statement; he blinked and drew his eyebrows down. "What...?" he asked, confused. "H-- But..." Thinking about it now, he couldn't remember anyone specifically saying Sin had slept with anyone. Boyd had just assumed. There was a rumor at one point that Sin was a rapist, but Boyd had never truly believed it. It just seemed bizarre that someone who was older and so attractive had never had sex. Regardless of their different lifestyles, he'd just figured that at some point in his life, prior to the Agency or after when he was with his other partners or on a mission, Sin had slept with at least one person. In the end, Boyd just let his words trail into silence and all he could do was stare in surprise.

Sin's mouth turned down and he glared at Boyd. "What?" He demanded, sounding defensive.

"Nothing," Boyd said immediately. Did that mean he was also the first person to touch Sin so intimately at all? At the thought, he couldn't help feeling rather smug. "It's just... surprising. I thought... I mean..." He gestured to Sin helplessly. "You're just... so sexy and you seem to know what you're doing and... I just assumed..."

Sin relaxed, appearing mildly mollified by the explanation. He hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans and shrugged. "I've always been asexual," He replied, not seeming particularly bothered by the fact. "Attraction and sex were not things I was trained to concern myself with. I did not think about it, did not care to think about it and other than morning erections that I'd routinely ignored, I never found myself to be aroused by much of anything. It was just not the way I operated. I didn't start to have these odd thoughts until I became so comfortable with your presence although I am still not sure why that is. And I do not consider myself to be sexy or attractive although I suppose I am not physically repulsive, depending on one's taste."

The idea that he'd also been the first one to inspire those thoughts in Sin only served to make Boyd feel a little more pleased. "Well, I have excellent taste so you should trust my judgment."

Sin watched him a moment as if to check if he was serious, then moved closer to Boyd with arms crossed loosely over his bare chest. "Why did you think I'd been with people?"

Boyd leaned his back against the counter, bracing his hands on the edge as he looked up at Sin. "I don't know, it just..." He shrugged with one shoulder, distracted by Sin's proximity. "I suppose I just find it surprising that someone would sleep with me before anyone has slept with you. I'm sure your reputation intimidates people, but it just... Somehow, even with that, it hadn't occurred to me..."

Sin gave him another skeptical look and shook his head. "I don't know what you see when you look at me but I doubt many others see it. I'm a killer, Boyd," He said it quietly, eyes still slightly narrowed. "And that's what people see me as. They see me as a man who takes lives-- who murders. That's who I am. And I--" Sin raised his hands and looked at them calmly. "I can't really see myself as anything else. So I don't understand, and I never will, why you think I'm attractive or sexy or anything." He shrugged and dropped his hands, staring at Boyd calmly although there was something about his demeanor that was more tense than it had been moments ago.

Boyd watched him, unperturbed. He was silent for a breath then shook his head once to himself. "I don't believe that. What you do with your body is not necessarily related to who you are, or how it looks. Body, mind, and actions can be separate, sometimes even incompatible."

"Well then even if for some reason you think my body is attractive, inside I'm not. Who I am is not... is not something anyone would want to be close to. People at Lunar, those people act that way towards me because they do not truly know me or what I am capable of." He turned his face away from Boyd, lips turning down slightly. "I don't understand why you want me. But I suppose, I've never understood why you behave the way you do towards me which is why... I don't know precisely how to respond to it. I don't know how to react to any of this. I don't even know how to touch you without hurting you. That night in France should be evidence of that. It's just not who I am. I'm not someone who can be with others in this way. I wasn't trained to be this way."

Boyd shook his head in denial of Sin's words. "Hey." He reached out, grasping Sin's chin and gently but firmly turning his head so they could look at each other again. "Your training does not define you. You've touched me without hurting me today, haven't you? I know... you won't hurt me on purpose, that's all that matters. If it's an accident, well... That happens sometimes; it's part of life. It would not be indicative of a failure on your part. But," and he tilted his head, "in a way, it's the same for me. I don't know what bothers you and what doesn't. In some circumstances... even a gentle touch from me could hurt you as much as anything you'd do to me, couldn't it?"

Sin looked away again, moving his face away from Boyd's hand although it wasn't particularly cold. He seemed almost uncomfortable with the question and it showed on his face. "I don't know," He muttered. He glanced at Boyd again from the corner of his eyes, seeming frustrated. "I am not--" He broke off and frowned. "I'm not trying to be difficult. I just don't-- just tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do," He said finally and continued before Boyd had a chance to get a word in.

"Just tell me how I'm supposed to act to make you understand that I don't know what the hell is going on but that I..." Sin trailed off and his brown eyes focused on Boyd finally. "But I don't want that to have been a one time thing." Boyd's eyes widened slightly but once again Sin shook his head and continued, not wanting to stop speaking because if he did there was a very good chance that he'd talk himself out of admitting anything at all. "I don't know why it started, I used to be able to ignore it but now that we're trapped in this fucking room together it's impossible. That's why I was so frustrated the day we arrived here. I knew... I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this. I didn't want to push the limits of our partnership but I wanted you, all I fucking thought about was touching you, and I still am disturbed by the idea of fucking everything up because I just don't know what the hell to do."

Boyd felt relieved by the words as he finally understood what Sin was thinking, which ended up apparently being the same issues he'd been having himself. The tension he hadn't realized he'd been storing in his shoulders started to release. "It's--" he started to say, but Sin barely even let him get that single syllable in.

"I thought honestly that this fucking ridiculous adolescent obsession with sex would leave once I got... what I wanted. But now I think that I'll just keep wanting to touch you and I have no fucking idea if that's what you want. Or how to get across that it's what I want. So I'm just going to stand here and say nothing because I don't want to say something more idiotic than I've already said." Sin finished his diatribe in an almost sullen manner and he glared at Boyd accusingly, as if he were the sole cause of all of his frustration and confusion on the matter.

Boyd's mouth twitched slightly and aside from the surprised relief, he could not help feeling ironically amused by the entire situation. He supposed that it should have been obvious by now that when it came to them, two people who were so used to internalizing every feeling or desire that they had, there could be a hell of a lot of miscommunication unless they actually discussed things. But it seemed that it would take a very long time for them to truly learn that. While he was still unsure of where he stood exactly with Sin, he didn't know if that really mattered at the moment. Sin felt the same way he did about the important parts; the continuation of a smooth partnership mattered to him, enough to try to deny any other desires he may have had, but he still wanted Boyd regardless of what he tried to tell himself. "You know, if you had just said that from the beginning these past twenty incredibly awkward minutes could have been avoided," he said dryly.

Sin made a face at him and shrugged. "Well I've said it now so what difference does it make."

Boyd couldn't help the smirk growing more in amusement. "True. And if you had, I wouldn't have seen you acting so cute and sulky."

The comment earned him an incredulous glare and an almost indignant eyebrow raise. "Cute is almost a worse description than sexy," came the quick retort.

Tilting his head down in a silent nod, Boyd let the smirk slowly fade as they stared at each other. The silence grew for several moments until Boyd finally sighed. He knew he had to say something or even Sin's sudden explanation would not be enough to fix this. Even if he'd started this all it was a little difficult to just outright say something about his feelings. He figured Sin was able to do it because of his generally blunt demeanor but Boyd had always found it incredibly difficult to open up to anything regarding emotions. Raising his eyebrows, he asked, "Would it help if I told you I definitely don't want that to have been a one-time thing either?"

There was a long silence once again but this time it seemed that the almost palpable tension in the room melted away and Sin's shoulders relaxed significantly. He allowed himself to momentarily forget about his insecurities, his questions and confusion and just focus on the fact that not only was he not being rejected, but that he was pretty much given permission to touch Boyd again. He flexed his hands absently and only hesitated for a moment before moving closer to Boyd, eyes still slightly narrowed. "Yes," He muttered slowly and stopped walking just outside of Boyd's personal space. "It would."

"Good," Boyd said with a slight, pleased smirk. He leaned against the counter and tilted his head to the side, wondering what exactly Sin was thinking and searching his eyes for the answers. He wished, not for the first time, that Sin did not have his contacts in. The one emotion he could identify in Sin's gaze was desire and he had wanted to see that reflected in his intense green eyes for awhile now. "What are you going to do with that information?"

Strong hands reached out and gripped his upper arms, pulling Boyd forward until their bodies were pressed slightly together. "I'm not sure," Sin admitted slowly. "But... after months of wondering what it would be like to put my hands on you and my mouth on you, I think... I just want to touch you." The words came out almost faintly and Boyd's mouth went dry, heart skipping a beat as Sin released one of his arms and raised a hand to his face. Callused fingers traced the shape of his lips and parted them as Sin stared at his mouth with the same intense fervor that he'd had on the couch nearly an hour ago. But this time Sin didn't pull away or hide it and when he spoke, his voice was low and had the hypnotic, seductive quality that Boyd had always imagined it would have in a situation like this. "I think I just want to taste you."

Boyd exhaled softly, slowly, and his eyes closed for a moment before he stared up at Sin with an expression that was caught between intense need and something that nearly seemed like a challenge. "So do it," he replied, the timbre of his voice rough with desire. "And stop hesitating. Stop thinking so fucking much. I..." He paused, a little frustrated with himself for how difficult this was, even more than the spontaneous incident not even thirty minutes ago. "I want it too."

There was a brief pause, Sin's eyes seeming to intensify even further as Boyd and Sin's attention narrowed in solely on each other, and then their lips crushed together with a heat that made Boyd shudder against Sin's body. Their mouths moved against each other frantically, tongues twining together hungrily as long fingers and strong hands moved over their bodies as if they were trying to memorize every contour, every muscle, every hard line. The kiss was almost violent in its need and lasted long enough that it left them both panting as they finally pulled apart, Boyd with a lingering slide of his tongue against the ring which wrapped around Sin's full, lower lip.

Sin groaned and to his mild surprise, realized that once again he was getting painfully hard. He rolled his hips boldly and for the first time the hesitance was completely absent from his motions. "You're making it hard for me to take my hands off you," He rasped when Boyd released his lip.

Boyd tilted his head back, eyes still fastened on Sin's lips as his own mouth hung slightly open. "Then don't," he said quietly, fingers digging into Sin and eyes shuttering as he felt Sin's erection press against his own.

"Are you sure?" Sin asked, voice low and thick with lust, every insecurity and discomforting thought forgotten in the face of his aching desire to get off. "Because I won't." He clutched Boyd's ass with one hand, pounding his hips against Boyd's roughly, causing Boyd to hiss a soft expletive as his eyes shut and his fingers dug into Sin's skin. "I've been jerking off thinking about touching you for months," he growled, lips hot against Boyd's as his other hand slid up and under Boyd's shirt, teasing the soft, smooth skin at his back before he remembered Boyd's discomfort and pulled it away.

Boyd didn't answer in words; instead, he yanked Sin forward for a wet, deep kiss that expressed without words how hot that confession made him, how aroused he'd been by seeing Sin masturbate and how he couldn't get enough of him even now. His skin tingled where Sin's fingers had briefly touched his back and even though some part of him recoiled at the idea of being touched anywhere beneath his shirt, Sin had stopped without being told to; that alone meant more to him than he could explain. So when he pulled away from the kiss, he watched Sin with heated, half-lidded eyes. "If my shirt stays on," he muttered, his voice thick with arousal, "and you only touch my back... It's okay."

Sin nodded, eyes slightly unfocused and fogged over with passion as he drew Boyd in for another lingering kiss. He couldn't get enough of Boyd's mouth, the taste and feel of it; he'd never imagined that touching someone could feel this good and he wondered if it would be with someone else. When he'd kissed Jessica all of the passion he felt now hadn't been there; his heart hadn't pounded this furiously, his hands hadn't trembled this violently. Was he really gay? Did he not like women or was it just that at the moment he only wanted Boyd?

A low growl escaped his lips and he pulled back for air after several long moments, gazing at Boyd from under heavy-lidded eyes. "What now?"

"I don't kn..." Boyd started to say, too dazed by the entire situation to process questions quickly enough. He breathed heavily and for a moment could hardly comprehend that Sin wanted to do more. As Sin caught his breath, Boyd trailed his mouth across his strong jaw; let the pounding of his heart be the tempo to which he kissed along Sin's ear and sucked on his earlobe, letting the taste of Sin's skin mix with the metallic flavor of his earrings. It sent an electric shock through Sin's body and his eyes rolled backwards, a low sound escaping his mouth before he could stop it as his grip on Boyd tightened.

"Anything," Boyd murmured against his ear. "I can suck you off again," a kiss against the corner of his jaw, "or I can jerk you off... Or if there's anything else you want..." There were, of course, any number of options, but most of them he didn't want to push at the moment.

"I don't know," Sin mumbled as he reached down to adjust the way his erection was pressing uncomfortably against his jeans, panting as Boyd's mouth continued to tease his obviously sensitive ear. "You don't have to do anything."

Noting the reaction, Boyd smirked almost wickedly to himself and began sucking on Sin's earlobe slowly and thoroughly. "Maybe I want to," he said softly, pulling away just enough to speak but keeping his lips against Sin's skin. He slid his fingers into Sin's hair to pull him closer. "I like touching you." His breath was hot against Sin's ear. "I've been jerking off thinking about you for months too. The feel of your skin," his fingers dipped down briefly to tingle along the back of Sin's neck before he tangled them in his hair again, "your incredibly hot fucking body, your eyes... Everything."

Sin's breath hitched and he actually fell backwards against the counter, a strange, strangled sound escaping his throat. His chest was heaving as he stared at Boyd, mouth hanging open and lips wet, mildly swollen. It was strange to see him like that; to see someone who was usually so controlled and serious turn into someone who seemed completely consumed by desire. Somehow he almost seemed powerless against Boyd; like he didn't know what to do and he was leaving it all up to Boyd. He was entirely at his partner's mercy and he didn't seem to mind. Seeing him like that made Boyd so hard it nearly hurt. "Really?" Sin muttered.

Boyd's stared at him with narrowed eyes that were slightly dark with lust, pleasure. It took a moment before he could regain enough control to breathe, "Yes." He pulled Sin forward by the back of the neck as he stared at him with an expression overcome with desire. "Fuck, you're so—" He broke off for another needy kiss, his tongue practically ravishing Sin's mouth, and for another stretch of time they were lost to each other.

Boyd was the first to pull away with a whispered, "Come here," as he moved backwards towards the couch, dragging Sin along with him. They stumbled slightly, unwilling to part long enough to walk properly, bodies tight against each other. Sin stared at him with sleepy-looking bedroom eyes and lapped at Boyd's mouth like a cat as he gripped Boyd's tight ass hard enough to most likely leave bruises. Sin grunted, erection throbbing, and growled softly, "My dick is so fucking hard right now."

Boyd almost fell over the table at that and had to grab Sin's arms to regain his stability. They practically collapsed onto the sofa, groping and kissing each other with abandon. They sprawled facing each other, both of Boyd's long, lightly tanned legs spread on either side of Sin's as their lips moved together feverishly, hands roaming everywhere. For a long time the only sounds in the room were soft panting, moans and their wet, sloppy kisses.

It was exhilarating for Sin and once again he couldn't think properly. His whole body was on fire and all he could think, feel and taste was Boyd. He slid his hand under one of the legs of Boyd's shorts, long fingers teasing upwards against where Boyd's hard cock strained against his briefs. "Ahh fuck," Boyd groaned, arching his back at that and resting his forehead against Sin's, panting harshly against his mouth. A low, lingering shudder of a breath escaped him, but for a moment he could not speak. He had hidden his body for years, and even when he'd had sex with Thierry, they hadn't really done any of this. It was nothing against Thierry but he couldn't compare to Sin, not for what Boyd wanted and needed. Sin caused a fire within him that made him insane with passion, desire, made him so hard he felt like he couldn't handle it.

It was already dizzying feeling Sin's lips and hands on him, but those strong fingers, which could easily rip a person apart, were a gentle torture against his tingling skin. He let out a helpless moan, incredibly turned on by the contrast of what Sin was capable of and what he was doing, and he didn't even stop to wonder if it was strange that the idea aroused him so much. He couldn't help it. The fact that someone who could be so fucking intimidating and violent, who could inspire complete terror in a grown man with a single, stormy glare, was touching him with the sliding, gentle brush of fingers up his thigh and under his clothing... It was almost too much.

Sin's fingers traced the length of Boyd's cock through the fabric in slow, teasing gestures, his tongue sliding against Boyd's as he let his fingers go slowly beneath Boyd's briefs. He splayed his hand out and let his fingers spread on either side of Boyd's erection although he didn't touch it, instead lightly toying with his pubic hair. Boyd made a half-whimpering noise and jerked his hips to try to rub Sin's hand closer to his erection but it didn't work and a strangled, desperate moan was muffled by Sin's lips. He squeezed his eyes shut and his heart skipped and sped, he almost couldn't breathe properly, his mind was so overloaded by what Sin was doing. Boyd didn't want to break the kiss; it was wet and hot and he wanted to taste every centimeter of Sin and then start all over by exploring his mouth again. He didn't remember kissing being so... addictive. It probably was with Lou, but that seemed a long time ago and he thought they'd been more playful and curious in comparison to the heat and voracious desire that Sin inspired in him.

Sin pulled away slightly and trailed wet, open mouthed kisses along Boyd's jaw and down to his neck as he finally wrapped his strong fingers around Boyd's erection. As his mouth fastened on the side of Boyd's neck and sucked, he slowly began to pump his cock, fingers tightening around it. Boyd threw his head back and let out a long, shuddering moan. The feeling of that callused hand sliding up and down him was mild blowing and suddenly he was overwhelmed by the fact that this was Sin, this was Sin, Sin was touching him and kissing him and—

His eyes snapped open and he looked down almost wildly. Sin was watching him with lust-filled eyes and Boyd's entire body trembled. "Oh God..." he groaned huskily, absolutely incapable of looking away. He arched into Sin's touch, his legs falling open to give better access, and he stared at Sin with half-lidded eyes burning with desire as he started pumping his hips. His lips were swollen and red, his mouth open as he panted and moaned unabashedly. Sin's presence was completely sucking him in and he had no defenses against it; it didn't even occur to him to try to hide how much Sin was turning him on, how much he wanted him and how little he could resist him. Half-formed words became moans and whimpers and every expression, every thought was there for Sin to see and hear.

Sin took his fingers away abruptly, ripping his hand out from under Boyd's shorts. "Take them off," He ordered in a low, throaty whisper.

Boyd's breath hitched and, not looking away from Sin, he didn't even question the order. His fingers fumbled shakily with the button and zipper but he managed to lift his hips and push his shorts down, all without saying a word.

Sin licked his lips, eyes darkening. "Underwear too."

"Fuck," Boyd hissed impatiently, eyes narrowed toward Sin as if he wanted to glare but was too clouded by lust to bother. He didn't question that either though; he just hooked his thumbs beneath the waistband at his hips and pushed them down unceremoniously. Sin's gaze dropped and focused on Boyd's erection; he panted softly as his eyes feasted on his partner's body. He wrapped his hand around Boyd again and began sliding it up and down his dick, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the head slowly. His own erection was painfully hard in his jeans and he rubbed it idly with his free hand, although it didn't really relieve much of the pressure.

"Do you like when I touch you?" He asked Boyd softly, eyes burning intensely from under his messy hair.

Boyd arched his back like a pleased cat and watched Sin with eyes nearly turned black from passion. His mouth fell open and his gaze drifted to where Sin was touching himself; the sight aroused him further, causing his stomach to clench as he grunted softly. He still couldn't quite believe this was happening; it was a particularly vivid wet dream, maybe, or he was going insane. But the texture of Sin's hand against his dick had to be real. He began breathing heavier, his breath hitching as a low moan escaped him completely unconsciously and he rocked his hips against Sin, his hands curling and his fingers digging into the cushions. He opened his legs as far as he could and braced his feet against the couch for leverage. "Jesus fuck, yes," he groaned belatedly, jerking his hips up insistently.

Sin responded to him immediately and began pumping his erection harder, faster even as he impatiently unzipped his own jeans with his free hand. His breath was coming fast enough to rival Boyd's and when he lifted his hips and shimmied out of his jeans and underwear, he grabbed one of Boyd's hands and guided it to his erection. It was rock hard and swollen, clear liquid oozing from the tip as he wrapped Boyd's fingers around it, and Sin's eyes rolled back in his head at the feel as Boyd slid his hand along the length. His own hand began moving faster, sliding up and down Boyd's cock as he fucked Boyd's hand; he leaned forward to run his tongue along Boyd's neck as he licked down and sucked lightly on his Adam's apple, causing Boyd to groan and arch into the touch.

The taste of Boyd was unbelievable and when he kissed his way up and slid his tongue back into Boyd's mouth and Boyd responded hungrily, for a moment the whole situation seemed incredibly surreal. He'd fantasized about Boyd for so long, even when they'd been angry and silent he couldn't stop dreaming of him, and after everything that had happened between them... it was hard to believe that this was truly occurring. It was hard to believe that someone he liked, someone he respected, someone he desired so much, actually wanted him back. It didn't seem right, he thought blearily as they jerked each other off wildly, kissing with nearly desperate abandon. He was supposed to be a freak, a monster, he wasn't supposed to feel anything, he wasn't supposed get what he wanted, he was a killer, he wasn't supposed to--

A loud, husky moan escaped Sin's mouth and he began slamming his hips up against Boyd violently, moving his own hand faster as he panted against Boyd's lips. His mind went black, thoughts melting into a confused pool as everything in his body seemed to gather at one hot, burning point between his legs as he felt yet another intense orgasm building. With his mind so far gone, so unable to process anything, he once again slipped absently into his native language; he muttered incoherently against Boyd's mouth that he was going to come, that he felt so good, that he never wanted Boyd to stop touching him.

Although he couldn't understand the words, Boyd could tell the meaning well enough. He pumped his hips against Sin's hand wildly, lost to the feel of callused fingers on his skin, lips pressed against his mouth hungrily, that sexy voice murmuring in another language, Sin's erection wrapped in his hand as he jerked his hand even faster... Boyd's eyes rolled back as he felt the moment build within him powerfully. He could think of nothing but the intensity of the feelings coursing through him, the way this all felt, the sweaty, sliding heat of his skin and the hungry, muffled pants caught between their lips.

"S-Sin," was all he managed to breathe desperately, "I—" His eyes slid open and he stared at Sin as his orgasm hit him so hard that he lost all ability to think coherently. His back arched, fingers and toes curling and he could only drop his mouth open wide and moan in a strangled half-cry, letting the intensity scour through him and wipe out every thought but Sin. His orgasm was messy and overwhelming, and his eyes feasted on every bit of skin, every intensely beautiful feature he could see of Sin; he watched him like he had been blind and Sin was the first, most amazing thing he could imagine seeing.

The sound of his name rolling off Boyd's tongue in that voice made something in Sin ache. Their eyes locked as Boyd's orgasm was just starting to end but Sin's was still building. His eyebrows drew together as he panted harshly, embarrassingly loud sounds dripping from his lips as Boyd's hand began to jerk his cock faster, rougher. He clenched his teeth together and tried to quiet himself but it was a futile effort; he came violently, semen shooting up all over both of them in long streams to mingle with Boyd's. Sin couldn't stop the incredibly long, loud moan that fell from his lips or the way his eyes squeezed shut, the way his fingers tightened briefly against Boyd's skin. When it was finally over, he fell backwards against the sofa, exhausted and panting loudly.

They stayed that way for a long time, both of their bodies slick with sweat in the room that was heavy with heat and the heady smell of sex. Finally Boyd shifted uncomfortably and made a vain effort at pulling his shorts back up so that they wouldn't dig awkwardly into his thighs anymore. He kept his eyes closed as he moved lazily, limbs languid and sated from what had just happened, and when he accidentally collapsed against Sin's naked body he didn't get up even though it was far too hot for them to be so close together. But he didn't make any effort to move and Sin didn't push him away so he let exhaustion overtake him as stray thoughts wandered through his head.

He still couldn't quite get past the fact that Sin was supposed to be a virgin but everything he did made Boyd want to scream with pleasure. Was he naturally talented or was he just the perfect answer to what Boyd needed? While he'd been mostly quiet and almost reserved with Thierry, he found himself behaving wantonly, moaning loudly with Sin, which should have been embarrassing but was probably because Sin had just the right blend of fiery passion and challenging roughness that Boyd craved. But even then, Boyd couldn't quite forget that slow, hesitant slide of Sin's hand on his back. He wondered why it hadn't bothered him more, why some part of him thought that it would be fine if Sin continued and even, on some level, wished he had. His thoughts were slow and confused due to exhaustion but, as his eyelids felt too heavy to keep open, he decided that it may have been because he'd known it was Sin, he trusted Sin, and due to that he was able to let himself just enjoy the feel of those callused fingers sliding against bare skin that had not been touched for years. Maybe that brief wish for skin-to-skin contact meant that some day it would be alright. Some day... he would actually open himself up enough to another person to remove that protective layer that was keyed into something so much more than just a piece of clothing in Boyd's mind.

He was far too tired to think and, in the even rise and fall of his chest, he faintly noted that Sin had already fallen asleep. Boyd let his thoughts slip away one by one, allowing himself to stop thinking for a change and to enjoy the moment of post-coital exhaustion. It was not long before he fell asleep as well.

---

When Sin opened his eyes, the shadows were considerably longer and the room was hotter. The only sounds in the room were Boyd's soft breathing and the pitiful humming of the air conditioner in the window. Sunlight streamed through the windows, casting a golden light on the floor which mesmerized Sin for a moment. The sun shone through so rarely that it always captured his attention and for awhile his eyes simply followed the dust particles that danced in the beams of light. Despite the heat in the room, Sin had no desire to move. He felt lazy, sluggish and extremely content. But after awhile the uncomfortable feeling of dried semen and sticky sweat became too annoying and he made a face, shifting slightly as his gaze dropped down to Boyd.

He'd never really taken much time to watch Boyd sleep but now that they were at such a close proximity, he decided that his partner looked almost innocent in his sleep. His lips were slightly parted and face extremely peaceful, relaxed. Sin's eyes narrowed slightly and as he felt Boyd's heart beating against his chest, he wondered if this was actually happening or if it was one of the vivid fantasies he always conjured up when drugged, incoherent and locked in the box. His eyebrows drew together and he frowned at the idea that this was all some cosmic joke but after a moment the paranoia passed and he rolled his eyes at his own stupidity.

But it was hard to understand, hard to accept the fact that another person wanted to touch him, had allowed himself to be touched by someone who was considered a psychotic murderer. After being treated as a pariah for most of his life, Sin didn't think it would be easy to get over the skepticism or paranoia that this arrangement would not last. He knew that he would continue to wonder when Boyd would come to his senses and realize what he was doing, but for the moment Sin didn't want to think about that. All he wanted to do was enjoy the fact that for the first time in his life he was truly content and that for some strange reason, being allowed to touch another person made him feel normal, human. He decided that for as long as he was allowed to feel those things, he wouldn't give a shit about his training or his father's warnings. He would enjoy this for as long as it lasted and if it ended poorly, he could feel stupid about it later.

Sin shifted again and frowned at Boyd when he didn't so much as stir. "Hey. Move."

The movement half-woke Boyd and he blinked sleepily before shooting Sin a rather confused glare, red hair hanging around his face in disarray. "What?"

"I said get your bony ass off of me. I need a shower." Sin sat up fully and shoved Boyd unceremoniously backwards on the couch, standing up to stretch, completely uncaring that he was entirely naked. He stepped out of the jeans which were still tangled around his ankles and scratched at the dried semen on his stomach. It flaked off and floated into the air.

Boyd made a sleepy, indignant face at him but he didn't bother to get up again. He just settled against the couch and mumbled almost sullenly, "Who's the bony one."

Sin snorted and headed towards the bathroom. "Go back to sleep." Boyd muttered something that was incoherent as it mixed with a yawn and Sin smirked, closing the bathroom door behind him. He turned on the shower and stared at himself in the mirror for a moment as he waited for the water to get slightly warmer. He studied his features, the face that looked so identical to his father's, and frowned slightly to himself. He didn't know what anyone saw in him but then again considering the fact that women had flocked to his father, he supposed it wasn't so shocking that some people might find him to be attractive as well.

He absently studied the rest of himself, eyeing the various scars and tattoos and wondered what was so great about his body that Boyd thought it was 'fucking hot.' It was exactly what had confused him when he'd realized that Jessica was so attracted to him, but in her case he'd assumed that she was just drawn to him because she liked a challenge and knew she would never really get him. After awhile he shook his head, decided people were strange in general, and got in the shower. The water was a little cooler than lukewarm and it felt good against his sweaty skin. He closed his eyes and absently wished that Boyd wasn't so body shy so that they could stand under the water together.

He ran his fingers through his hair and he tilted his face up, imagining what Boyd would look like completely naked. He couldn't figure out why Boyd didn't want to take off his shirt; he imagined that his chest was just as attractive as the rest of him. While his body wasn't as cut or muscular as Sin's, months of training and going on missions had given him a sleek, athletically toned body that was incredibly pleasing to look upon. Sin tried to imagine what could be so bad that Boyd felt the need to hide it so obsessively and the thought reminded him of that hint of black ink that he'd briefly seen beneath the back of Boyd's tank top.

Sin opened his eyes and washed up quickly, determined to bring it up before he forgot again. He finished his shower and wandered out of the bathroom in nothing more than a small towel which was wrapped around his waist. Boyd looked up, seeming to have woken entirely sometime during Sin's shower, and pushed himself up to lean on one elbow, surveying him with a pleased smile. "That's a nice sight to wake up to."

Sin smirked and ran a hand through his wet hair, slicking it back. "Too bad you didn't feel that way when I used to parade around naked in front of you on assignments."

Boyd dropped his head down onto his arms, grinning with a chuckle. "No," he drawled, "That would have been bad. I would never have been able to concentrate on anything. Running through the base I'd think only about you."

Sin gazed down at Boyd for a moment and tilted his head. "So does that mean we shouldn't be partners anymore? Or does that mean we can't do this anymore?"

"It just means I need to see you like this all the time so I can become accustomed to it," he replied innocently.

Sin actually laughed at that and leaned against the wall.

Boyd could not help smiling at Sin's laugh. It was such a warm, honest sound that Boyd felt almost privileged to hear it since he knew how infrequently it happened. Sin could look so serious, so intense, that it would be easy to believe he had never felt carefree in his life. But right there, in their studio apartment filled with Monterrey's heat and the distant whir of the air conditioner, Sin was just another person waking up late on his day off. "I'm going to shower," Boyd said belatedly, his mind working slower from sleepiness and Sin's effect on him.

Sin grunted, still looking faintly amused. "And then you can finally make me some breakfast."

Boyd got to his feet finally and raised an eyebrow at Sin. "How about you make me some instead?" Sin made a face but before he could respond, Boyd grabbed some clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. He stayed in the shower longer than was necessary, heating the water up slowly as billows of steam swirled around him, enjoying the feel of warm water against his slightly stiff limbs. The uncomfortable position he'd fallen asleep in had left him feeling a little sore and the heat was a relief, despite the fact it was so hot in the apartment.

Wet clumps of red hair fell into his eyes as he stepped out and dried himself off before removing the contacts which burned in his eyes due to dryness. Falling asleep wearing them obviously was not a good idea. He pulled on a pair of pinstriped pants and a tank top, before slapping the cuffs back on his wrists and going back out into the main room. He was surprised to see Sin standing in the kitchen with two plates of scrambled eggs ready. Boyd actually stopped walking and stared at him, taking in Sin's smug look and the delicious smell of breakfast. "Wow." He started toward him again, his bare feet padding silently across the room. "Maybe you should be the domestic one instead," he suggested.

Sin gave him a reproachful look and picked up his own plate, heading over to the couch and bypassing the kitchen table as usual. "I don't think so."

"Oh?" Boyd drawled with a light smirk, bringing his plate with him as he trailed after Sin. "And why not?"

"I have to work at that ridiculous establishment so you have to do menial labor and be domestic. That is the way this situation works." Sin sat on the sofa and shoveled eggs into his mouth; he immediately made a face and declared that they were bland.

Boyd shook his head, amused by Sin's reaction. Pulling the coffee table closer so that he could set his plate down, Boyd took a bite of the eggs and gave him a strange look. "No, they taste great. I think you're just trying to get out of cooking again by pretending to be terrible at it."

"I am terrible at it," Sin replied and began to eat his food at an alarming rate. They were silent as they finished eating but then Sin remembered what he'd wanted to ask Boyd and he reached out, running his finger over the base of Boyd's neck. "What's that tattoo?"

Boyd jumped at the touch, looking over at Sin with a startled, blank stare. He seemed confused by the question until recognition suddenly hit him with an alarmed widening of his eyes. "Oh fuck, is that showing?" he asked, twisting his head to try to see his upper shoulders to where bits of black could be seen from beneath his tank top. "I didn't even think— I haven't worn a tank top since—" He stopped trying to speak and turned back to Sin, flabbergasted that he had let such a detail slip, something that could have possibly compromised his cover. "Wow, I'm glad you pointed that out. I'll clearly have to be more careful in the future... I can't believe it didn't even occur to me."

"You didn't answer my question," Sin said bluntly, eyes narrowing slightly at Boyd's reaction.

Boyd stared at him, his arms unconsciously dropping down to his stomach. The subject made him uncomfortable and he was suddenly far too aware of how much skin was currently exposed; the hair lifted on his arms and he absently rubbed one hand along his forearm. He looked away. "It's, ahh... Just tattoos." He paused. "Words, I mean. Nothing special."

Sin stared at him for a moment before shaking his head, mouth turning down slightly. "Fine."

Watching him sidelong, Boyd could see that Sin was clearly irritated by his vague answer; it made him feel slightly guilty since Sin had made more than one difficult confession earlier that day. Even so, it took him a few moments to answer, to convince himself that he wanted to, that it was okay to part with even that much information. "Mea Maxima Culpa," he said finally, "and Corpus Vile. ...That's what they say."

Sin gave him a strange look. "And that is Latin for what?"

Boyd didn't want to answer that; he felt himself grow still, his expression automatically slightly closing off. He didn't reply at first, he just watched Sin almost warily.

The silence grew until Sin felt irritated by Boyd's reluctance to ever tell him anything of value. "Just forget it," he snapped.

Looking over at him fully, Boyd studied him, disquieted by the situation. He felt guarded and wary but he knew that it wasn't Sin's fault, it wasn't even surprising that Sin would ask, really. It had startled Boyd because he'd managed to forget, or, perhaps more correctly, he'd put it so far out of his mind that it was as if they hadn't existed. But he had started this all, by not thinking of it and wearing the tank top that day, by insisting on getting closer to Sin, by acting so suspicious that it irritated Sin. If they fell back into cold silence just because he wanted to protect himself, protect his past, protect those stains of black ink against his shoulder blades... What would that say about him? Even if the very idea of talking about this disturbed him, even if it made his arms unconsciously tighten a little against his stomach, even if his expression wanted to close off by default simply because he was discussing something uncomfortable, he still had to say something.

He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, watching Sin with a more serious expression than before. "'Through my greatest fault,' and 'worthless body,'" he said quietly. He didn't seem to intend to explain any further.

Sin stared at him blankly. "Why would you get something like that?"

Boyd met his gaze evenly and said simply, "I was upset."

That earned him another blank stare but this time the expression morphed into one of annoyance and he shook his head. "Whatever, Boyd. Forget I asked."

Looking away, Boyd's stared at the darkness of his wristbands. "It's not that I don't... It's just--" He stopped himself, apparently incapable of finishing a sentence, and frowned. "It's just... stupid," He finished lamely.

"As far as you're concerned, your entire life is stupid. It's not a good excuse anymore. Just forget it. I've lost interest in knowing."

His eyes narrowed as he looked over at Sin. "It's hard to explain, okay?" Boyd said, frustrated.

Sin just made a face and stood up, grabbing a shirt and throwing it on. "Yeah, everything is with you." He didn't want to be angry with Boyd, didn't want to go through this again, but he couldn't help it. Despite everything he'd been through, despite the fact that he was going against all the things that were ingrained in him, he constantly opened up to Boyd but Boyd had yet to do the same. It made him rethink his actions, his words; made him wonder if he was being an idiot for making himself vulnerable to someone who would not return the favor. Maybe his father was right. Boyd seemed more interested in protecting his past than confiding in him. He doubted he would be so angry about it if it weren't the fact that Boyd had a habit of asking him questions about his own. It bothered him but at the same time, at the moment he didn't want Boyd to see just how much it did. "I'm going to go work out. Go running."

Boyd watched him and could not blame Sin for wanting some time alone. It was probably good, actually. He needed some time to think as well. "Alright."

When Sin left the studio it was in stony silence and he was gone for well over two hours. His run took him all around the city but he barely noticed any of it. The act of exercising was enough to let him think clearly about what was happening and by the time he returned he had figured out how to handle it. He still wanted Boyd, still enjoyed his company, but that didn't mean he had to be as open as he'd been in the past. If Boyd wanted to keep everything to himself, that was fine, but if he expected anything less from Sin he would be in for a surprise.

He returned to the studio to find it empty but felt mildly relieved and took his second shower of the day, this time to wash off the sweat he'd acquired from running in the heat. By the time he was finished, he was ready to face his partner again and knew that he wouldn't lose his patience or temper easily; the last thing he wanted to do was have another obnoxious argument over bullshit that obviously wasn't going to change. He settled for weary acceptance of the state of things but told himself that it wasn't as terrible as it could be and decided to just be pleased with the fact that he didn't have to be so sexually frustrated and horny from now on. When he finally exited the bathroom wearing a sleeveless shirt and his ragged old cargo pants, he found Boyd sitting on the loveseat, watching him silently.

In Sin's absence, Boyd had found the studio to seem too quiet so he'd decided to go into the city as well. He'd absently walked the streets he was slowly becoming familiar with and thought about a lot of things, namely how he interacted with Sin and how it must seem to him. He hadn't really thought about how closed off he must seem, but now he could not think of many times when he'd actually told Sin something of value about himself without being angry first. Had he ever simply told Sin something honestly and openly without first being asked or led to it? They had joked about them being agreeable only after arguments but why was that the case?

While Sin was gone, he had finally decided that he needed to make more of an effort. Sin was doing a lot and not getting much out of it. Boyd's actions, of course, showed he cared; he would not have defied Connors and his mother and broken Sin out of the box if he did not, but his words did not often coincide. Unfortunately, Boyd had never had the need to be open with anyone. Even when he was a child, he felt like he'd been a little closed off. Boyd was too young when his father was alive to really have anything of importance to tell him. The only person he'd ever felt the need to be honest around was Lou and they'd known each other so well that they often did not speak about anything serious; they could just tell. Then again, now that Boyd thought about it, Lou was always the first one to make the effort. He was the first to befriend Boyd, the first to tell Boyd he cared about him, the first to kiss him, the first to drop everything to come to Boyd, the first to suggest they build their own life together; he was even the first to die. Everything Boyd did was an act of trailing after Lou, letting him pave the way and take all the risks while Boyd just nodded and agreed and enjoyed the results.

The realization sobered Boyd, making him feel... rather chagrined.

Lou had been a great friend, he was still someone incredibly important to Boyd, but had Boyd ever fully returned anything Lou had given him? Was he ever as great to Lou as Lou was to Boyd? God, Boyd hadn't even left the house of a woman who didn't want him to live with Lou, who did. Boyd always clung to things that held him back, never fully committed to the things he truly wanted and instead retained loyalty to things long gone. He'd had Lou there, who had loved and wanted him, and yet he had been too afraid to fully leave his mother's presence. Was he really such a coward? Was that really all he could do, hold tight to something that kept him from what he needed or wanted? What was he afraid of – that if he threw himself fully into something it would fall through and he would have nothing? But if he didn't even try, how the hell could he expect to get anything in the first place?

The rest of the evening went slowly and without much of note occurring. They acted mostly normal towards each other although they didn't talk about anything of significance and were quiet for the most part. Sin eventually went back to reading his Neil Gaiman book and for lack of anything better to do, Boyd idly drew in one of his sketchbooks. Despite the fact that at times it almost seemed too quiet or slightly awkward, the tension wasn't unbearable and Boyd didn't feel the need to rush into another explanation so soon since they still appeared to be mostly on good terms. Even coming to the conclusion that he needed to open up, he felt pensive and knew he needed to think about it more, knew he needed more time to prepare. He was almost glad for the silence that Sin seemed equally content to let surround them.

At the end of the night, as usual Boyd was the first to lay down but when Sin eventually followed, he slept in his own bed.

---

Note: The alleged excerpt and plot from the book were made up.

Continue to Ch 30 ~ Confessions