Blurry
Written on August 15, 2010 by Sonny
Timeline: Circa 2002
NOTE: This chapter contains spoilers for the series. If you don't want to read spoilers, do not read this until you've read the Interlude "Executive Decision".
The air had a density that wasn't quite normal. It was suffocating and the humidity didn't seem ready to let up any time soon. Thunder boomed somewhere in the distance and despite the fact that a storm would provide momentary relief from the stifling heat, it was more than likely that the humidity would be ten times worse afterward.
There was another loud crack of thunder and the sudden pitter-patter of rain was not a surprise. It was silent in the room and for awhile the only sounds were slightly labored breathing and the rain. But then the ceiling began to leak and water splashed steadily against the filthy floor, providing a little bit of extra ambiance.
The place was a mess but what more could be expected from a bombed out factory in the heart of one of the biggest ghettos in the country? Although 'ghetto' was probably putting it mildly-- the place was nothing more than a locked down town that now served as a living, breathing prison that teemed with the worst criminals in the United States.
Brighton had once been nothing more than a middle class area that was safe with a reputation for being one of fastest growing towns in the country. The war changed all that; bombings killed 80% of the population, the other 20% took off to live with surviving family and the ghost town of a city had attracted some rather seedy individuals after awhile.
A deserted city with no police force or government and buildings that were still standing proved to be too desirable for criminals. It hadn't taken long for gangs to swoop in and start claiming the spoils of war for themselves. It became a town run by criminals and attracted more of the same. The National Guard tried to control the situation but by then it was too late and they wound up doing nothing more than cutting the city off from the rest of the world. Brighton was declared a police state and became Brighton Community Prison.
The end result was a cesspool of murderers, rapists, an assortment of gangs and a fucked up political system created by the criminals-- a code that they all followed although it benefited no one except the people demented enough to actually want to control the shit hole that Brighton had become.
Zach coughed violently, pressing a hand against his aching ribs as blood dribbled from his mouth and dropped to the floor mingling with the rain and the filth. Not for the first time did he wonder at his situation, at the assignment; at the cover.
A cover that was consuming him and fucking with his head but not enough to completely cancel out all of his sensibilities.
And was it worth it? Was doing all of this worth it? Just to get information? To get close to one man?
Zach sat up awkwardly, his t-shirt ripped and damp with sweat, jeans stiff around his legs. He was sore, especially in his midsection and face, but he knew his injuries weren't as dire as they could be. He'd been let off easy this time.
He gripped one of the exposed pipes in the wall and got to his feet, grunting with the effort and feeling more than a little uncomfortable by the blood that was leaking from the gash at the side of his face. He struggled awkwardly to rip a strip of fabric from his sleeve and pressed it against his wound, willing the blood to clot already.
It was dark in the room except for a single dim, exposed bulb in the far corner and the lightning that flashed from the uncovered window. The glass long ago had been shattered and never replaced.
He shuffled across the room, picking his way around the random objects that fronted as furniture for their makeshift safe house in Brighton. He stopped halfway across the room from a still-seething Emilio.
Emilio struck a rather dramatic figure against the backdrop of the stormy sky, his hands gripping either side of the gaping mouth of the window and looking very much like a man about to be swallowed by a black hole as the sky grew increasingly darker. His jet black hair whipped around wildly-- longer and shaggier than usual.
"Hey," Zach managed, his voice slightly strangled. He still wasn't entirely coherent after having passed out in an exhausted heap.
He cleared his throat and swallowed hard, dropping the cloth from his face and feeling pleased that at least the bleeding had slowed. "Emilio," he said this time, voice steadier and louder.
Emilio ignored him but his fingers clenched tighter around the window, body appearing to be a coiled mass that was going to snap at any moment.
"What do you want from me? What do you want me to say? Damn it," Zach said finally, frustration taking over his feelings of self-pity and guilt. "I'm sorry, okay?"
Emilio looked over his shoulder, green eyes flashing and handsome face molded into an angry grimace. He looked so furious-- as furious as he had two hours ago-- that for a moment Zach wondered if his partner would hit him again.
"What did you want me to do?" Zach demanded. "What the fuck do you want from me?"
There was silence and Emilio turned away, body completely rigid. The rain picked up, spraying him through the open window but Emilio didn't seem to mind.
Zach was beginning to think that the other man would ignore him for the rest of the assignment if it was possible, but finally he spoke.
"I want you," Emilio bit out, "to do your fucking job."
Zach ran a hand through his hair in frustration and shook his head as he began to pace. "I'm trying. I'm goddamn trying!"
"You're not trying!" Emilio shouted suddenly, voice booming loudly and echoing around the loft-like area. "You're mixing your fucking morals-- your bullshit civilian sense of importancy, with your fucking job."
Zach stopped pacing and stared at Emilio, angry this time. "My bullshit civilian sense of importancy? Fuck you! You were going to murder that guy! And for what? Is Timothy worth all this? Is getting his information worth becoming a goddamn murderer!" he shouted back.
Emilio turned and strode towards him, face taut, irate. "I am a fucking murderer! I'm an assassin! I kill people. It's what I fucking do, you idiot!"
Zach shook his head stubbornly. "This was different, Emilio. He isn't our target, he just happens to be on the other side of the guy we're trying to get close to. And you were going to put a bullet in his head to prove yourself. In cold fucking blood."
Emilio threw his hands up in exasperation. "Grow the hell up, Zachary. That same fucking dude would put a bullet between your pretty blue eyes at the drop of a dime if he knew you were what we are. It wouldn't matter if it was in cold blood, warm blood or fucking scalding hot milk. This place is full of killers and I'm gonna do what the fuck I have to do, and I don't give a shit what you think of me for it!"
Zach faltered, eyebrows drawing together as he looked away.
"And if you ever pull a stupid move like that again-- if you ever risk my fucking life like that, I swear, Zachary, I'll--"
"You'll what?" Zach exploded, unable to handle the situation anymore, unable to take anything anymore. "You'll beat the shit out of me? You already did that. Try a-fucking-gain but this time I don't have to cower like the pussy my cover is supposed to be."
Emilio laughed darkly, eyes flashing with anger. "Oh you think you can do somethin', Carhart? You think you can fuck with me?"
"You're not as invincible as you think you are, Emilio," Zach spat, anger building steadily as the situation grew progressively worse. "You're not the fucking god you seem to think you are. So fuck you, fuck your assignment, fuck your attitude, just fuck you!"
"Fuck you, you crybaby pussy," Emilio retorted, eyes narrowing. "I knew you couldn't handle this. I knew your punk ass couldn't fucking get this shit done. Sending you here was a mistake. You ain't cut out for it. You're too much of a little bitch."
His fist was flying at Emilio before Zach even realized that he'd swung a punch. The next thing he knew he was flat on his back, head slamming against the concrete as Emilio loomed over him.
"Do that again and I--"
Not giving him a chance to finish, Zach raised his leg abruptly and slammed his boot square into Emilio's knee. Unprepared for the attack, Emilio buckled and staggered backwards slightly, giving Zach the chance to get to his feet unsteadily.
Emilio stared at him incredulously this time but the expression was quickly replaced by indignant rage and he rushed Zachary, pouncing on him with all of his strength. He once again flattened his partner to the floor with a punch to the midsection followed by a swift elbow to the side of his neck.
Emilio hovered over him and raised one hand to slam it into Zach's face but before it could connect, Zach caught his wrist and twisted it painfully.
Emilio may have been faster and more skilled in the way of technique, but Zach was stronger. His partner tried to break the iron grip to no avail. Zach twisted abruptly, throwing Emilio off of him. He sent him sliding across the floor, his face slamming into one of the columns that lined the room.
"Son of a bi--" Emilio groped the column as he got to his feet, stars most likely dancing behind his eyes as he whirled on Zach once again to attack. This time he was more ferocious, faster, and Zach had trouble defending himself against the onslaught of animal-like intensity.
Zach barely ducked another fist being thrown at his face. He didn't have time to get out of the way as Emilio kicked him violently in the solar plexus, using the momentum to literally back flip off of him. He landed in a crouch and lunged forward almost immediately for another merciless charge.
Zach dove out of the way, rolling to the side and scrambling behind Emilio, smashing his boot into the back of Emilio's knee this time and feeling a perverse pleasure out of hearing the cry of pain. He lunged forward, tackling his partner to the floor, and dug his fingers into the mass of sweaty black hair before slamming Emilio's face into the concrete floor ruthlessly.
Blood spattered across the floor and Zach ignored it, too lost in the fight, in the violence, in a cover persona that lived to experience this kind of shit. He yanked Emilio's head back for another smash but before he could Emilio twisted his arm backwards and dug his fingers into Zach's eyes.
"Argh!"
Falling backwards, Zach covered his eyes with his hands as they teared up, temporarily blinded. Emilio pounced again, but this time he leaned forward and sunk his teeth deep into the side of Zach's neck.
"What the fuc-- You fucking--"
He flung Emilio backwards blindly, but Emilio clung to him and they rolled across the concrete floor wildly. Blinded, disoriented and completely focused on getting Emilio's teeth out of his neck, Zach dislodged Emilio and shoved him away finally. Almost instantly he jumped back, expecting another relentless attack, but this time something strange happened.
Emilio's expression went from angry to alarmed in an instant. Before Zach could mentally question that, he felt his foot meeting uneven floor and he realized that he was closer to the window than he'd realized. He flailed his arms wildly to grab something, anything, but it was too late.
He fell backwards out of the window with a shout. It was only Emilio's hand grasping his fingers at the last moment that kept him from dropping the eight stories to the ground.
"Shit!" Zach shouted, finally grasping the reality of the situation as he looked past his dangling feet and saw the long way down to the street. He reached up and grasped Emilio's wrist with his free hand, trying to extend his leg to the ledge but unable to.
"You fucking moron!" Emilio yelled over the thunder and pouring rain as he strained to pull Zach up, muscles bulging in his arms as he grunted with the effort. "You're such a fucking retard, I swear!"
"Shut up already!" Zach shouted, feeling his fingers slipping as his heart beat violently in his chest.
"You shut up!" Emilio screamed back, bracing one foot against the side of the window as he tried to pull Zach up with all of his strength. But it didn't work; he just slid closer to the edge and nearly flipped over the side, grabbing the side of the window with one hand to hang on.
"Just let me go! You're going to fall out!"
"I told you to shut the hell up, damn it," Emilio grunted, trying again.
"You're not strong enough to pull me, you're going to fucking fall so just stop!" Zach shouted, voice echoing wildly in the night air.
Emilio's eyes narrowed and he grit his teeth, exerting a mammoth amount of effort just as Zach's fingers nearly slipped completely. One moment Zach was ready to die and the next Emilio was hauling him upwards abruptly, yanking him through the broken window and panting wildly as Zach collapsed on top of him.
They stayed that way for several long, breathless minutes; Zach crushing Emilio against the floor and one of Emilio's hands resting against his back as the other stayed clenched into a fist around the fabric of his shirt. It took Zach a long time to regain his bearings and as he tried to do so he continued to pant into Emilio's ear, face half buried in the other man's neck.
His heart had yet to slow down as adrenaline pumped through his body but, finally, he leaned back and stared at Emilio. He squinted down at his partner, blotches of color still invading his vision, and shook his head a little.
Emilio just stared up at him, face half hidden in shadows as Zach struggled to muster up an apology.
It was harder than he'd thought it would be. Maybe because he wasn't sure who owed whom an apology. Maybe because he was still sore over the things Emilio had said. Regardless, he just shook his head again without getting the words out.
After another long moment of silence, he shifted and started to roll off of his partner but Emilio's hands just dug into him harder, making it impossible for him to move. Eyebrows drawing together, Zach stared at Emilio in confusion. "What are you doin--"
His words were interrupted by surprisingly soft lips pressing against his rough, dry ones. A tongue probed his lips, delving inside as his mouth dropped open in shock and alarm.
He froze, unable to fully comprehend what was going on. He only came to himself as long fingers tangled in the hair at the back of his neck. Emilio kissed him harder, more insistently; possibly trying to force a response of some sort.
Zach twisted his face away, eyes wide as he tried to squirm out of Emilio's grasp. "Are you crazy?" he demanded angrily, heartbeat speeding. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Shut up," Emilio ordered calmly and leaned up again, yanking Zach down for another kiss. Their lips barely brushed this time before Zach reared back violently, attempting to scoot backwards on the floor away from Emilio. His boots slid against the wet floor.
A mixture of indignant anger was rearing up and warming him all over. "Back the fuck up," Zach growled, eyebrows drawing down over his eyes as he glared at his partner. "I don't know what kind of game this is but it's not funny. The gay thing is a cover. It doesn't need to extend beyond words."
Emilio sat up and stared at him for a moment before nodding seriously. "You're right."
Zach stared at Emilio stonily, wondering if he was being serious, but before he could come to a decision, Emilio's mouth twitched up in a slight smirk and he grabbed Zach again. His green eyes glittered in the darkness and for a moment Zach was caught by the expression; by the intensity in his partner's face. The determination and the lust.
For him.
It sent a thrill down his spine and that fact disturbed him, frightened him, made him want to fight, even if it wasn't the first time he'd felt that thrill since the mission had started. Since they'd modified his cover to be Emilio's lover instead of just being an associate. They'd started putting on a subtle visage that had nearly crossed Zach's boundaries on more than one occasion as the line between real life and the mission blurred. But even then, it had never come to this.
He shoved Emilio backwards but his partner grabbed one arm, twisting it before forcing Zach back down to the floor. Emilio knelt above him, a knee on either side of his thighs as he painfully forced both arms above Zach's head.
Zach strained against him, but the position was too awkward and he couldn't do much aside from twist violently as he glared up at the other man in outrage. Emilio's hands tightened around his wrists but the constant effort of having to keep his balance caused one hand to slip. Zach quickly gained the upper hand, flipping Emilio off of him so that the other man landed on his back.
This time Zach pinned Emilio to the floor, using his stronger upper body strength to keep him immobile. His breath was coming fast again, adrenaline pumping through his veins, as he tried to figure out what exactly was happening. He felt like the entire situation wasn't happening, as if everything was moving around him in a dreamlike blur. Even if the pain that radiated throughout his entire body, the heat of Emilio's body under him and the dampness of his skin was a strong indication that this was very real.
That slight lapse was enough for Emilio to catch him off guard again. This time he soared upwards and sucked Carhart's lower lip into his mouth. Green eyes locked with blue and Zach couldn't help shuddering at the sensations that ran through his treacherous body before ripping his mouth away once again. This time he slammed his fist into Emilio's face.
Emilio's eyes narrowed and he responded with an attack of his own, bringing one knee up into Zach's stomach, effectively knocking the wind out of him. Zach gasped sharply and fell back, supporting himself with one hand as he clutched his stomach with the other. He tried to get to his feet, to do something, but before he could he was being hauled around roughly as Emilio forced him down again.
A distinct feeling of helplessness overcame him as his body refused to react as fast and defensively as he wanted it to because of the beating he'd already taken that day. Stars danced behind his vision. The feeling of out of control helplessness intensified as Emilio began touching him again.
Strong hands slid up Zach's t-shirt and Emilio's mouth curved up into a slight grin before he leaned down again to taste his stubborn partner.
The metallic taste of blood was almost overpowering and Zach dimly wondered why Emilio didn't mind. He wondered how Emilio could keep raping his mouth so thoroughly, pressing himself tight against Zach's muscular body, as blood mingled freely with saliva.
But Zach absently found that the thought didn't altogether horrify him either. He could feel his gut tightening, his body tingling and heartbeat increasing as the beginning stages of arousal ripped through him despite the fact that he didn't want this.
It made him want to fight again and he turned his head, breaking the one-sided kiss and leaving Emilio panting wetly against his cheek. "Stop fucking fighting me," Emilio whispered to him, breath hot against his face. "I know you want it."
"What?" Zach rasped, hands clenching and unclenching rapidly as they were pinned above his head once again.
How could he know something that Zach didn't even know for himself? How could he know something that confused the shit out of Zach and had been since that night a month ago when he'd allowed himself to get drunk and stoned at one of Timothy's gatherings? The night that he'd felt Emilio's mouth on his neck, hands sliding down his thighs. Zach had nearly forgotten about the agreement of keeping their mock relationship as subtle and nonphysical as possible.
"You like it when I touch you," Emilio said in the same low, throaty whisper. "The cover just gives you an excuse to let me do it."
The smugness in Emilio's voice was overpowering but the feeling of a hand fumbling with Zach's zipper made him freeze, almost unable to breathe. He was so angry and confused at Emilio and himself. The fact that he was actually intrigued by the things he'd seen his partner do on the rare occasions during their partnership that he'd walked in on Emilio with a man...
"Nice," Emilio's deep voice purred in his ear as he groped Zach through his briefs, massaging the growing erection expertly as Zach sweated and panted, indecisive and confused as pleasure hardened his cock entirely. He knew what he would do back at home but everything was so fucked up and blurry here and he really wanted to feel good for a change.
"Ah--ahh," he gasped, tensing as Emilio's hand slid under his underwear, as fingers wrapped around his bared stiff flesh. The gravity of the situation, of what he was now blatantly allowing to happen, floored him. He couldn't quite believe this; that he was considering letting this go on, giving in to his strange thoughts and curiosities. It wasn't like him. This wasn't like him but...
But he wasn't him. Right now he was Gregory. Gregory Wheeler, convicted of aggravated assault, kidnapping and first degree murder, and who had nothing in common with the person he was back home. In Brighton, he was Emilio's lover, his belonging, and Emilio made that clear to anyone who looked twice.
Renewed energy and strength flowed through Zach's body. He ripped one arm away from Emilio and grabbed a fistful of Emilio's hair. It didn't take much to turn his head violently, crushing their mouths together as his breathing became increasingly loud and labored. The kiss was hot and sloppy, more tongue action than lip. He got a thorough sense of everything his partner tasted like-- blood, cigarettes and whiskey.
He yanked his other arm free and forced both of their bodies upright. He moved Emilio about roughly, forcing the hand away from his crotch as he leaned back to rip his partner's shirt off, exposing damp skin and the black ink of many tattoos. He gripped Emilio's arms painfully tight, restraining him as their eyes locked, as Emilio continued to smirk at him knowingly. Zach's eyes narrowed and irritation swelled in him as he hesitated again.
What the fuck was he doing? What the fuck was he--
Emilio ripped at Zach's shirt impatiently, tearing the already ragged shirt in half in his impatience, before unzipping his jeans entirely. He seemed to notice that Zach was freezing up again and went back to dictating the situation. He sucked on Zach's neck, running his tongue along the bite mark he'd left there, and rolled his narrow hips so that Zach could feel his erection.
Emilio seemed in a rush as he undid his own belt. He seemed anxious to fuck, not bothering with all of the niceties and foreplay as he tried to push Zach forward and onto his knees. But Zach snapped out of his daze at that moment and yanked Emilio forward before shoving him down onto the floor in front of him until Emilio was the one on his knees.
The expression on Emilio's face was nothing more than a filthy leer as he allowed himself to be temporarily manhandled. "If that's the way you wanna play, it's fine by me," he panted.
Zach's eyes narrowed into slits and he yanked Emilio's tattered jeans down around his ankles. His breath was coming in harsh pants as he ran his trembling hands over the other man's bared skin.
"Just use spit," Emilio growled impatiently, reaching out with one hand to hang on to the exposed pipe in the wall as he touched himself with the other. He was breathing hard, sweat making his body slick and wet. He seemed completely uncaring of the fact that they were crouched on the floor that was becoming soaked with the pouring rain.
Unable to respond verbally, Zach covered his swollen cock with saliva and pushed inside Emilio slowly. His hands were shaking, heartbeat thrumming violently as he wondered how much pain this would cause his partner. The perversely sadistic part of him, something he'd never known could exist within him until he'd taken on this cover, was turned on by the idea.
By the fact that he had the control now.
All of his doubts and hesitations, the shame and guilt, disappeared in the face of that devious part of this new persona taking over. He rammed himself into Emilio in one sharp thrust.
Emilio grunted sharply, a high pained sound, fingers clenching around the pipe as an agonized gasp burst from his mouth. Zach's eyes shut, lips falling open as the feel of tight, hot muscles encasing his arousal temporarily overwhelmed him. Fuck, it was so much tighter than with a woman...
Harsh gasps escaped Emilio's mouth and judging by the way his fingers clenched the pipe, they were gasps of pain. But it wasn't long before they joined with growls of need and his firm ass began slamming back against Zach.
"Do it," Emilio panted, releasing a shuddering moan every time Zach slid back into him. "Fucking do it. Fuck me."
And Zach did.
He fucked Emilio roughly, violently, fingers digging into the man's hips so hard that his nails drew blood. His dick slammed in and out of Emilio's ass as their skin made loud smacking sounds every time they made contact.
Broken glass and other debris crunched under their knees, scratching and tearing their skin as they slammed against each other. Muddy water seeped into the open wounds but neither of them paid attention nor cared. After awhile the hoarse pained gasps mingling with loud groans of pleasure filled the room.
"Harder," Emilio grunted as he pushed back against Zach's girthy cock. Zach responded by slamming against him so hard that Emilio's hand slipped from the damp pipe. He slid forward, knees scraping against the floor, his hands flattening against the concrete.
"Do it really fucking hard," Emilio panted, his voice low and urgent. He was supporting himself with one strong hand as he jerked himself off with the other.
Zach began to swear loudly, the words dripping from his mouth like a chant as he slid his hands up to clutch Emilio's broad shoulders. He slammed Emilio back on his dick, taking his ass so hard that it had to hurt now, it had to be causing the other man pain.
But Emilio seemed to relish it. He seemed to get off on the exotic mixture and began moaning unashamedly, enthusiastically. "Fuck yeah, Zach," he growled, voice deeper than usual; throaty and rough. He shoved back each time, meeting each thrust as the pressure made him scrabble at the floor and writhe desperately.
"Oh fuck," Zach hissed, eyes rolling back in his head as Emilio's body clenched around his throbbing cock almost rhythmically. Zach shuddered, his hands squeezing Emilio's slick muscular shoulders harder as he slammed him backwards forcefully. He impaled Emilio with a violent intensity that, combined with Emilio practically milking his cock, made Zach cry out loudly.
His eyebrows drew together as sweat and rain slid down the sides of his face, wet hair clinging to him. He squeezed his eyes shut and snapped his hips faster. It was building a momentum of inexplicable pleasure that he rode mindlessly as Emilio began making sounds that caused Zach to shiver.
"Ah, ahh-- fuck, right there," Emilio encouraged Zach through a string of loud breathless groans. His fist flew over his own cock, fingers tight and pumping fast as he swore and encouraged Zach loudly. "Please--fuck-- fuck, oh fuck."
Emilio's face was a mask of ecstasy. His full swollen lips were hanging open, damp and stained red. His eyes were closed and long black eyelashes rested against his face like shadows as his eyebrows raised high. One of them was cut and bloody from when Zach had slammed his face against the concrete.
But that didn't matter anymore and the words that poured out of his mouth proved that.
"God, your dick feels good," Emilio uttered hoarsely.
Sweat dripped from Zach's bruised face and he threw his head back, mouth falling open as he panted harshly. The intensity of sensations, of the situation, of the knowledge that Emilio fucking Vega was taking his dick and loving it--
"God," Zach groaned. "Oh God--"
"Don't fucking come," Emilio ordered through his breathless moans, hand pumping his erection as he teetered precariously on one hand. He pushed back on Zach athletically even as his knees scraped against the rough floor.
Zach shook his head, damp hair sticking to the sides of his face as his eyebrows drew together. "I can't.. fuck I can't--"
His hips moved faster, harder, more violently. The sounds of his partner's pleasure made it more intense; knowing he was fucking someone who could probably kill him if he really set his mind to it. Knowing he was fucking someone who always had the control--
"Shit!"
Bright lights and explosions behind his eyelids; his mind imploding at the sudden overwhelming rush of pleasure. Had any orgasm ever felt that intense before?
He slumped across Emilio's back, the sudden weight causing Emilio's arms to buckle and give out, crashing down against the floor with Zach on top of him. There was a brief moment of silence before Emilio slammed his back against Zach's chest violently, sending him flying backwards and onto the floor.
"What the hell?" Zach demanded, his eyes still completely unfocused as he tried to get his bearings back, squinting at Emilio in the dim light. He began fumbling blindly with his jeans almost immediately, uncomfortable by the idea of laying there fully exposed in front of his partner regardless of what they'd just done.
Emilio collapsed onto his back as he glowered at him. "I told you not to come, fucktard."
Zach shook his head, still breathing hard. "I had to."
"You had to," Emilio grumbled, body trembling from pent up pleasure that hadn't been fully released. He lifted his hips and pulled his jeans back on. "Whatever."
Zach sighed and closed his eyes, resting one hand on his stomach as he concentrated on slowing his breathing. There was silence between them and after a moment he forced himself to open his eyes and look over at Emilio.
The other man's body was damp with sweat and rain, the moisture causing his well-muscled form to glimmer under the moonlight through the broken window. His black hair was splayed across the floor, his lips slightly parted as he lay still. As he likely tried to regain control of his senses after the abrupt loss of arousal brought on by Zach crushing him against the rough floor.
Zach had to force himself to look away from the spectacle his partner made. He swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the fact that he suddenly had the urge to touch Emilio, to appreciate the feel of his undeniably fucking beautiful body.
"Sorry," he muttered thickly as confusion and the enormity of what had just occurred began to weigh down on him. "That I-- that you didn't... finish."
Emilio muttered something inaudible and sat up finally, brushing bits of broken glass from where they'd been embedded in his palms. He stood up and walked over to a broken crate, digging around in it for a moment before extracting a little box.
Zach watched him silently. His stomach was clenching strangely and this time it wasn't from overwhelming arousal. As the reality of what had just happened set in, he felt overwhelmed by it all.
He closed his eyes again and took a long, shaky breath. His hands closed into fists as he tried to calm the sudden panic that was creeping up his throat. His body still burned from the orgasm and he could still taste Emilio on his lips. The sensations sent dual waves of revulsion and grim acceptance through him.
It galled him how easily he'd given in. How quickly he'd let Emilio win. The man had always been cocksure but now he held something over Carhart that made him shudder. It would be a grand story to tell Doug about how easily Zachary Carhart had been seduced once they'd been confined to Brighton. How easily he'd let the cover consume him-- even worse, that it had been his idea to switch cover stories from friends to lovers.
Flushing with humiliation and resentment, his cerulean eyes flicked over to his partner. Emilio's outgrown hair was obscuring his eyes but his full lips were still swollen from their desperate hungry kisses. The dull light cast a sheen onto his jet black hair and Carhart caught a flash of green gazing at him sidelong through the too-long bangs.
Looking away quickly, Carhart stiffly fixed the rest of his clothes. His body ached and he tried to drive the foreboding thoughts away about what this meant for him. He'd never been attracted to men before-- he'd never even acknowledged Emilio's flirtations though they'd been there. It hadn't been until they'd arrived at this cursed community prison that the seeds had begun to sew in his mind, the curiosities and wonderings. And of course, the disquieting desperation he'd begun to feel as the gap between the two of them and the world they'd come from seemed to yawn wider every day.
The isolation had started to get to him after the first few weeks. Brighton was lawless from the inside-- the wardens and guards didn't care what they did inside of Brighton as long as they didn't leave. Things happened there that made him sweat at night, wondering what he would see the next day-- what they would have to do to prove themselves. And distrust was deep within the community. It had become clear early on that these men would slit their throats if they made one misstep and Zach had made several on his first few days there.
Emilio was accepted almost immediately-- he played his role as hoodlum and criminal well. It wasn't too far from where he'd come from in life. But no matter what, Zachary stuck out. Even his cover story of mental problems and murder didn't dissolve that entirely. The friendship between he and Emilio's persona had been mistrusted almost immediately and to resolve the issue, he'd suggested Emilio claim he was a lover. It was more believable-- a lifetime in Brighton forced most men together even if it wasn't their natural tendency. A rough man like Emilio taking a blond blue-eyed pretty boy wasn't too hard to believe.
And from there it had started. From there, his real self and his cover persona had started to inexplicably meld until he couldn't tell what his true thoughts were anymore. Sometimes the desperation his cover was supposed to have for Emilio's seemed all too real. Everyone around them would not hesitate to slaughter them if they knew the truth. Emilio was the only person who he could trust. The closeness he'd always had with Emilio had tripled as a result and with that had come the sudden uncharacteristic attraction.
None of it would happen outside of this mission.
It wouldn't.
Zach repeated this in his head like a mantra and didn't stop until his breathing gradually slowed and the urge to vomit retreated slowly. After awhile he raised a shaking hand to his face and massaged his temples. His entire body was throbbing from pain. That, combined with his tension and anxiety, made the pleasure of the incident almost entirely forgotten.
They sat in silence for a long while and slowly but surely, the disgust and shame slowly melded away and the acceptance took hold just as it always did on a mission. What was done was done. Fucking Emilio was out of his character but it was far from the most horrible thing he'd ever had to do for an assignment. The grim logic of it grounded Zach until he felt like he could behave rationally again. If he thought about the mission and their purpose, it would be okay.
He opened his eyes again and looked at his partner hesitantly. It was difficult to see Emilio the same way after what they'd just done. It was difficult to understand what the other man was thinking. He mostly just seemed pissed off about his lack of an orgasm.
"It's alright," Emilio said finally as if reading Zach's thoughts. He had moved over to sit cross-legged near Zach and leaned over as he began cutting some lines of coke on a torn up magazine. "I'll get off next time."
Zach's eyebrows drew together and he stared at Emilio. "Next time," he echoed dumbly.
Emilio snorted a line and glanced up at him. "Yeah. Want some?"
"I--" Zach stopped and pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing as his ribs protested. "No. And what do you mean next time? Who said anything about a next time?"
Emilio gave him a flat look and made a face. "Oh don't tell me you're gonna be a pain in my ass now. We started something and you're gonna finish it, buddy."
It wasn't so much a suggestion as an order and Zach shook his head at the poor choice of wording. "Listen--"
"Listen," Emilio mimicked. "You liked it so what's the problem here? Ain't no one watching. No one knows macho man Zachary Carhart partook in a little gay sex."
"I'm not gay," Zach said sharply, annoyed.
"And you think I am?" Emilio laughed, doing the second line. "I've been fucking women since I was twelve. I just came to the decision that it don't really matter to me who I'm doing something with as long as I'm feeling good in the process."
"Good philosophy," Zach said dryly. "I'm sure Charles Manson's followers told themselves the same thing every night."
"Cute."
Zach shook his head, wiping a hand across his face. "Just listen. I'm not gay, I'm not bisexual, I'm just-- I don't fucking know. It's just this mission-- I'm getting too wrapped up in the cover. I just think once we get back we should forget about it."
Emilio rolled his eyes and sucked the excess powder off his finger after wiping it from the magazine cover. "Does it look like I'm fuckin' asking you to be my boyfriend? All I'm saying is you owe me. And don't be acting like this is some supernatural experience that just happened to you suddenly. I saw you watching me and Chris that night and I've seen you looking at me lately. I've noticed you letting me take this cover relationship three steps too far."
Zach glared at Emilio.
"And frankly I don't see what the big deal is. You're hardly the first hetero dude who's gotten all curious and tried to play power games while fucking me. It's pretty normal, bro. Straight dudes are always the first ones with their legs in the air once they find out I'm into dick, once they find out it's not just flaming fairy boys who like to be fucked." Emilio raised an eyebrow. "So get over yourself, stop acting like you're gonna get struck down by lightning, and get ready to fuck me again."
Zach stared at his partner, feeling somewhere between horrified, dumbfounded and flattered.
"Just think of it as an extension of your cover. You're supposed to be my bitch anyway," Emilio said helpfully, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "This will make things more authentic, don't you think?"
A voice at the back of Zach's head whispered that it was true and he ignored it, shaking his head. "Well then that wouldn't work out too well, Vega. I don't recall you fucking me. Pretty sure you're the bitch here."
Emilio threw back his head and laughed that ridiculously charming laugh, seeming genuinely amused by the idea. "That was adorable, Zachy. How heterosexual of you."
Zach scowled, running a hand through his filthy hair and feeling a little embarrassed. He supposed it had been a stupid thing to say; a stupid thing to think. Just because he'd been the one fucking Emilio didn't mean he'd been in control. If anything, Emilio had been the one in charge the entire time, forcing it all on Zach in the beginning and telling him what to do and how to do it during the course of events. And the fact that Emilio could have had him on his back and immobile anytime he wanted didn't help matters.
Zach turned away, laying back down on the now cool floor as he closed his eyes. "Just drop it."
"Okay," Emilio said agreeably, the smugness heavy in his voice once again. "But just know that before we go back to real life, I'm gonna get what you owe me even if I gotta take it by force."
Zach didn't bother to respond.
"And Zachary," Emilio said suddenly, voice sly, almost a croon. "Didn't you realize you said you want to forget about it after we get back? That means bets are still off while we're here."
Zach almost sat up to protest sharply but he realized quite stupidly, belatedly, that Emilio was right. He didn't know what that meant; he didn't know why he'd said such a thing. At the moment he couldn't even begin to understand what kind of subconscious psychosis had inspired that verbal fuck-up.
He stared at the concrete floor silently for a long time. He was uncomfortable with the situation, with the way he could still feel Emilio's amused gaze on him.
More than anything, he was uncomfortable with the ambiguity of his own thoughts.